If you are a “mommy blogger,” a SITS girl, or peruse the New York Times then you have undoubtedly seen this article.
“Honey, Don’t Bother Mommy. I’m Too Busy Building My Brand.”
My response? EFF YES, I AM. Mixed in with DON’T GO THERE, JENNIFER MENDELSOHN.
I could go into the actual article itself, which to be honest, I didn’t find all that degrading. Certainly not worthy of the backlash received, although I am always Team SITS Girls 4evah. ::fist pump to tiffany & heather:: nah, we won’t go into Ms. Mendelsohn’s journalism, which is always up for debate & opinions like any piece of writing. There is no need to delve that deep.
What I find degrading about the article is the mere TITLE. Honey, don’t bother Mommy. I’m too busy building my brand.
It is degrading. It paints “mommy bloggers” as opportunistic wastelands, willing to exploit their lives & children for little more than “latte money” in hopes of becoming the next Dooce. The title alone suggests that Mommy sits at her computer all day & night, shooing away requests for band aids, peanut butter sandwiches, or mere attention all to garnish website hits. It implies that her husband goes to bed alone while she taps out the details of her child’s dirty diaper night after night, leaving him a eunuch in a cold marriage bed.
How many times have I been told in a comment or email, especially as of late, to “sign off the computer” and pay attention to my family? To set my priorities? To get healthy by walking away from my blog? I am accused of putting my blog before my child, my profession, my husband, my sanity. To that, I laugh.
I am a Mommy Blogger. I wear that title with pride. I am a Mommy Blogger that knows the power of “Save Draft” when her child cries as he wakes up from his nap, despite being mid-post. I schedule conference calls with companies on my lunch break, between conference calls with clients off my break. I implement the trick of writing on the weekends as Nate & I snuggle on the couch over a movie, then setting it to publish throughout the week. I know that my 200,000 readers won’t go anywhere at 9pm while I slip on lingerie & seduce my husband. & I know that my dose of sanity in the day is that one hour at night where I sit alone with my Mac, cup of tea, & either write, Twitter, or answer emails.
MY TIME. My time to be Blair, to reflect on my life, to emotionally vomit to the interwebs. With the blessing of my psychiatrist. & I am criticized for maintaining that aspect of self?
It is also my second job, & I wear that badge with pride as well. I do earn money. I am building my brand. & you know what? I AM PROUD AS HELL OF IT. I work 40+ hours per week in a profession that I love. I am a mother. A wife. & then after I help put my son to bed, I put on my SuperMom cape & tap it out on the internet. For what? Maybe to stay home one day. Potentially to build Harrison’s college fund. Or maybe on a whim, to purchase a pair of absolutelytodiefor J. Crew shoes like these. & I am criticized, degraded, mocked for being brave & savvy enough to become an entrepreneur?
Maybe some “mommy bloggers” are not like me. They put their readerships above their relationships. Maybe they need to step off from the computer & get laid, or give further attention to the details outside of the internet. But maybe Mrs. Mendelsohn should do the same.
Boo Yah Ms. Mendelsohn! Mommy bloggers UNITE! ::raises glass of sweat tea::
I read her article and cringed. I can only imagine how her day has gone today. Lesson – think before you speak (or write). Clearly, she did not.
Way to go sista!!!!
Mommy bloggers rule !
We provide great advice for fellow moms and help each other out. . . so, if anything, we should give ourselves a pat on the shoulders and continue what we do best. . . being AWESOME mommies!!!
Shelina Ishani http://www.coolmamablog.com
you go girl!
Way to go sistas!!!
We are proud mommy bloggers who share advice with fellow moms to make their lives a little bit easier. If anything, we should be incredible proud of ourselves and continue what we do best. . . being awesome Mommies!!!
Shelina Ishani http://www.coomamablog.com
Blair you rock!!
…And that's all that needs to be said.
I will admit it. I hate giveaways. I have a very short list of blogs I read, and I mostly read them for the writing.
I agree with you, Blair but then again that is really not a surprise! Can anything be taken to extremes, of course! but just because we blog does not mean we ignore our children's needs! We are allowed to have some of that "me" time it makes us better Mommies. I also take time to shower and brush my teeth…I guess in her opinion I may be ignoring my son's needs then, as well. I also view the blog as a new version of a baby book. Luke will have memories and stories of his life as a child with me that most children will never have. I have always said I wish I really knew my parents as people, and not just mom and dad. Luke will know me…the good, the bad, and the ugly! I think it is priceless!!!! So Suck it, Mendelsohn.
I pretty much agree with everything you have said about Blogging. My husband is very supportive of my blogging adventrure! And I didn't think the article was overly degrading but I did get pissed when they said something to the effect of Minivan something or another. I drive a honda civic, damnit!
Sadly, I am not a mommyblogger (yet), but I read enough of you freaks that I can say with certainty that not one of you would ever neglect your children for your blog. No one could write with such passion about their children, yet turn their children away if they need attention. This lady sounds a little bitter to me.
freaks? that's kinda bitchy, eh? take your midol today mrs joe?
Stellar response, Blair…..not that I would expect anything less from you. Seriously, I hope that Miss Mendelsohn is feeling quite foolish right now for writing such a inaccurate piece on something that she clearly knows nothing about despite the fact that she is supposedly a "mommy blogger" too. Ack, this whole thing is just beyond ridiculous in every way possible.
Those shoes are FABULOUS.
Do what it takes to make the best life for you & your family. Eff everyone else.
This chick is just pissed cuz she doesn't have the mommy cajones (I think those are boobies) to be part of our club.
To Miss Mendelsohn, I say.. Neener.
Neener.
Neener.
Well said. Whenever I read these critiques I wonder if these people have children because you know kids do sleep- and their bedtime is usually before mommy and daddy's. And older kids to go school- mommies are not needed 24/7- they even occasionally get to go to the bathroom alone.
I don't usually comment, but with a statement like "emotionally vomit on the interwebs", I had to! What an accurate term–that's exactly what most of "Mommy Blogging" is all about. Thanks for that term!
You said it, Blair!
People have honestly commented and emailed you telling you to stop blogging? Really? How rude. I admire all of you mommy bloggers, because I know for a fact that you DO NOT neglect your children in order to blog, you do it for your sanity and to create an environment that is friendly for other mommy bloggers and wanna-be mommy bloggers. I can't believe someone had the audacity to write an article about something that she obviously is incapable of understanding.
The "article" read like a snarky blog post stuffed full of middle class soccer mom stereotypes–which is weird because Jennifer has a mommy blog! I guess she's standing on her journalism degree and acting like she's miles above the clawing rabble of *sneer* amateurs beneath her.
Like you, I was pissed more at the title and that awful cartoon that ran in the newspaper.
I only recently started blogging (a week ago actually) partly in inspiration from you. I'm adopting a 14 year old and am 34 weeks pregnant. I should be getting both kids about 4 weeks apart. Blogging (even for this short time) has helped me so much. Not just from the things I get to say, but also from the things my readers say to me. I think you should be commended for your extremely well written blog. You'll probably never know how many moms you give courage and pride to every day. Not to mention a ton of laughs along on the way. Keep doing what you're doing. Don't let jealous people out there try to bring you down!!!
Hmmmm, usually I love your blog Blair, but this just rubbed me the wrong way. I think part of me doesn't want to see the behind the scenes of it all – kind of makes me feel like a cog in the wheel, you know?
aww, sorry
Trust me, not the intention to ruin the magic or the "Santa Clause" aspect. & either way, I'm pretty sure I'm required by law now to tell folks that I make ad revenue or when companies give me products.
BUT, if it makes you feel any better, I don't make ANY "per click" moneys, nor do I reap any benefit of you clicking on any links I provide. So it's not like ding! $1 because Lisa looked at my website! ding! 20% from what she bought off my Amazon link!
No worries, I'm still a devoted reader. From my perspective the article actually seemed complimentary to those who do it well (i.e., you).
(and I've always thought the "quit blogging and pay attention to your kid" comments are born out of jealousy – pay them no mind.)
Blair! you know I am a devoted reader. But if you choose to reference "Santa Claus" on multiple occasions in your blog, you need to learn how to spell it. Yes to the jolly fat guy (Claus), No to the Tim Allen movie (Clause). ::checks own comment for potentially embarrassing and hypocritical spelling errors:: Please, carry on now with the mommy blogging.
I'm seriously laughing so hard. Because a) I can't spell & that's a known fact. and b) I seem to have a horrible obsession with the Clause.
& also, I adore those movies. ADORE. Is that dorky?
Unless you are british or part of the commonwealth. Then it is Clause.
Hmmm. I think I'm actually "old school" when it comes to my OWN blog (meaning I don't have ads and please, God, don't let my blog ever be popular enough to garner a troll…). But I read a bunch that are. And I think that's great for them. Do what you can. If you can make money entertaining folks with tales from your life, good.for.you! I hate the part where people nit-pick in the comments. If you didn't like a story, click that red "x" and move on. That's where the money comes from folks! You reading what you then condemn. Ironic, no?
YOUR blog entertains the hell out of me. I'll keep reading…
Yep I completely agree, I didn't think the article was THAT offensive, but the title is what pissed me off. But what I did get out of the article were some amazing statistics in the realm of how influential blogging has become on our marketing world. It has changed the face of advertising forever. Blogging is the largest form of word of mouth advertising we've ever seen and HELL yea I'm going to capitalize on that baby. And companies and bloggers alike would be stupid not to jump on the bandwagon.
Blogging is an outlet for all of us and if we have the opportunity to make something more out of it, why not. Criticism in most cases is just jealousy beneath the surface.
And it's all about finding a balance, don't generalize and stereotype ME into the same group as women who let blogging consume their life. Blogging does anything but consume my life, it enhances it. Ms. Jennifer needs to realize that when you point a finger at someone you have 3 more pointing back at you.
I am by no meaning a bra burner or feminist. I actually enjoy playing the southern hostess. However, as a young female attorney, I find the NY Times article insulting. I would expect the author, as a woman and New Yorker, not to be so close minded. I cannot imagine any paper would publish a story that paints the same picture of Dads spending extra time in the office. When has working hard been a bad thing? Also, in case the author is sleeping under a rock, we are in the middle of one of the largest economic crisis in U.S. history. It is commendable that any person takes on extra work to earn additional income for their family – whether it be racking up billable hours, shift work, overtime, or even blogging. Since the early Colonial days, American moms have been earning extra income for their family – seamstresses, war employees, bakers, Avon & Mary Kay associates, and even tupperware distributors. If the internet enabled society to forget the aforementioned facts, you can blame it on Al Gore.
Amen. & also ::dead:: at Al Gore.
Dang straight! Blair, I have been following your blog for a while now – and while I am not down with the corporate branding/giveaways – I AM in favour of grassroots promotion and giveaways – promoting/supporting mompreneurs and mommy bloggers alike.
I have been taking time whenever I can – which ALWAYS come second, third or fourth fiddle to my lil' man, my big strappin' man and our home – to research the land of blogging, continue to work on my design(s), do market research, refine my business plan etc. A bit of a novice, I have learned so much from BRAVE, TALENTED, momma's like yourself who are doing this to either (combination or all), be a resource; build community, build business, share stories, support one another, get cathartic healing through the art of writing, have productive alone time rather than zoning out in front of the boob tube. Alone time IS allowed, lets not focus on the extremes, as hinted at in Miss Mendelsohn hints at in her article title.
Why is it that when men have the brash and sass to develop a business, build a brand – whatever type that may be – they are considered smart, intelligent, dedicated individuals providing for their family/selves? We as women should be supporting each-other in these strides to create a world in which we CAN work from home to provide more time for our families without out-sourcing for care on a full-time basis. Not down-playing it, making it seem silly or traverse. Us women ARE the business – we are the consumers, it's about time we become the boomers, shakers and shapers. To be taken seriously and with respect for our ability to DO IT ALL.
While Ms. M did give mommy bloggers props for having a powerful hold on the corporate world, 'as a cultural force to be reckoned with', the overall tone of her article was more than a tad condescending. Tsk, Tsk, too bad she didn't really think about her target audience before writing up that little diddy. Never mess with, 'over 23 million', momma bears most of whom are smart as hell and right.on.the.money.
THANK-YOU Blair, for sharing the hardest, most beautiful time in your life – I have been and continue to be inspired by you, both as a mother, a woman and a boomer. 'Le Petit Reve' will be making it's bloggy debut with, "All In A Day', sometime next week – if I get finished with my brand AFTER everything else. I shall continue to follow you and comment (shorter), this was my first blog comment! POP! I knew it would be you
Thumbs up. Who says we can't do multiple things and have balance in life?
I agree that you can have a hobby, and that you can balance things in your life with your family, but if anyone believes the arguments that you're making here then they're either dumb or not paying attention.
You twitter…CONSTANTLY. You work 40+ hours a week. You commute a TON. You post incessantly on a message board (at least one, could be more). You are on the verge of a mental breakdown. You can't muster the strength to feed your kid…and you think that people aren't going to wonder if you don't devote too much time/energy to your blog?
Whenever someone tweets you or comments on your blog in a way that either makes you v happy or pisses you off, you comment almost immediately. You just responded to someone a few minutes ago, and a few minutes before that. It's evening. This is part of your precious little time w/ your kid. Why let some stranger intrude on that?
I totally "get" that a hobby is healthy, and should even be encouraged but I think your priorities are really out of whack and PPD is becoming a convenient excuse. I have a kid with a disability and there have been countless days where I just want to go scream into a pillow or run far, far away. I also had severe anxiety while pg (and suspect that the meds I had to take for it exacerbated DC's condition) and suffered from PPD as well. But as horrendous as it all was, if it was at all possible, I was there. Because if your kid is screaming constantly it's not just about YOU. HE'S is suffering, too. And he needs to bond with you. So I get that it's hard, and that you're feeling overwhelmed…but if you're feeling well enough to blog and post and tweet and do all of that 'stuff' that's taking up your time? You need to be spending that on your son. I'm saying this as someone who knows the impact of PPD on the bond you have with your child. Study a bit about the attachment theory, oxytocin, etc. and you'll see why BEING THERE is so so so much more important than the 'a happy mom is a good mom!' mumbo jumbo that crappy moms throw out there. It's bedtime? Let him sleep on your chest while you watch TV- that can be a beautiful bonding time and includes no screaming. He doesn't like a bath in the baby tub? Get in with him- skin to skin contact is crucial. You gotta put in the hours. Even if you feel like puking sometimes, you gotta push thru it and remember that he can't understand 'just a minute' or 'it'll just be this way until I feel better…'
Sounds like you have a very supportive husband, which is such a blessing. Just make sure that your sweet husband isn't taking the reigns too much in an attempt to take care of his family!
Agreed. That second paragraph is dead on.
I think that you are pissed because that article hit the nail on the head… I bet if you added up all the time you spend blogging, tweeting, and reading/responding to other blogs it would far exceed the number of quality hours you spend with your kid.
Get off the computer and play with your child. It is good for both of you.
For the record – I used to be a faithful reader and rather enjoyed your blog. That was before it became overrun with opportunities to whore yourself out to the blogging community. All the giveaways, guest bloggers (and guest blogging), and other ways to promote your blog have made it dull and impersonal – and while that may have gained you more recognition or $, it has caused you to lose some real, caring readers.
I love you and your brand and your mommy blog. Writing can be so cathartic and as an educator in this day and age I think that is lost. Hell, I know I live vicariously through you and other bloggers I read. It makes me feel better to read other people's trials and tribulations and vent my own. Sometimes I feel guilty I am going to overdo it, but I know that I love writing and connecting with people. I feel I have a story to tell every day. I feel my students' lives are relevant and share worthy. Thank you for doing what you do. Please keep it up. And let the jealous haters hate. I love your give aways and reviews. You rarely have a guest blogger. And I REALLY appreciate how much of yourself you put out there. you don't come off as a know it all, uncaring, neglectful, or anything. You are real. You let people complain and I'm sure it gets to you, but you are too classy and excellent to try to make everything seem wonderful and rosy. You don't throw nay sayers under the bus or delete comments, and that takes some real guts. I respect you. I appreciate you. And I wish I could join your other blogging buddies for fun times in Starbucks. Keep up the good work, and know that at least this one person thinks the world is a better place because of you, and you have made a world of difference in my life.
I second (and third) the posters who pointed out the copious amounts of time you dedicate to your blog, Twitter account, Facebook, etc. It's great if you can make money off of it, but if you (as you have mentioned so many times) are overwhelmed by all the things going on in your life and have gotten to the point where you are seeking psychiatric services, than something has got to go. I AM a mental health professional, and the first thing we recommend in these situations is to prioritize. Sorry, but blogging comes second to marriage, motherhood, work, and mental health. Best to you.
Great post! I did see this article this morning — someone emailed it to me. By the way, I love, love, love your site.
we judge ourselves so harshly because of social standards and our need to but into others lives.
are you okay with your life? are you happy with what you do? you don't need our approval to live your life.
(which is pretty awesome by the way)
I know I started blogging for the sole purpose of neglecting my child and my husband. I like to come home from a long day at the office, sit in a pile of filthy laundry and dishes, type up my blog and yell at my husband to do more around the house. All the while, my child is playing with forks at the electrical outlet. But it's worth it because one time someone asked me if I wanted a 50% discount on a product for a month.
Stupid haters. Blogging is a way to SAVE my marriage and my family. My poor Husband would be really annoyed if he had to hear all of this, all the time… random strangers can choose not to! I am a happier person with a creative outlet and I'd venture to say that 90% of the rest of the so-called "Mommy Bloggers" are, too.
And you know what they say… if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
::dies:: Oh LawMomma, how do I love thee. Let me count the ways…
Great post. I am with you, the article wasn't bad, it was the title that upset me. I, too, get tired of the degrading comments when people learn what I do. However, I know the truth about what goes on in my household and shouldn't that be all that matters?
Is it bad that I haven't read the original article but have read multiple blogs with a wide variety behind them? Basically, I can say that I think the title is horrid and is doing the same thing she apparently blaming mommy bloggers.. Whoring out a look at me title to gain attention.. oh well.. I won't be wasting my time to read it.. And Blair, whatever you do with your time, good for you..
Publishing throughout the week / month is the best function there is.. ANd you know what? Making money on a blog is a nice way to make extra money and aim for a goal you want.. F the haters.. 
Lady! I agree with you completely! I have two separate blogs. One for my ranting and one for family. The ranting is all bull that if someone stumbles across it it's all in fun. The family one is personal and more so a baby book for Colton. I think it'll be great when Colton gets a little older (I really suck at writing in his baby book) and I save all the posts. I hope you keep certain posts from this for Harrison. I'm pretty certain you don't ignore your kid. I've seen pictures of you with him so there's proof!
I love the giveaways! Why not? Free stuff? Heck yeah and I know I'm not the only one who thinks that. If I could get paid to keep a blog I'd be into that too! Alas that's not the case.
Keep on doing what makes you and your family happy. When it comes to your child you know best. Not someone behind a computer screen.
i normally am one of your haters that jumps on here and insults you and for that i apologize. i think this woman who wrote the article is an utter moron. what's great about your blog is that you blog enough about yourself to either make us love you or hate you. in most cases perhaps it's a love/hate relationship. just when we get to know you, you pull a 180 on us and head a different way- one minute it's mommyhood, the next minute it's tat-ville and having sex every day for thirty days, then BAM-o it's PPD. But if your life is a tail spin, and blogging about it makes you feel better, i'm sorry for being a b*tch about it. Not everyone can be a martha stewart, somebody has to be the crazy ass sarah palin's daughter type.
sorry for trying to rain on your haterade.
No sweat. Apology accepted.
It's because my life IS mommyhood, getting vomit on my clothes, tattoos, sex, marriage, trying to figure out my schedule, my past, & postpartum depression, & therapy that makes me feel like Father Merrin should be there, but then I can't think about that anymore so I write about running & losing weight & making sure I don't lose who I am through this whole crazy process.
& that, my dear Edith, is being a mom. It's a total clusterfarck & sometimes my blog brutally reflects it. & if that makes me crazy Sarah Palin's daughter…well, thank God I don't have a weird name. At least I have that going for me!
i totally understand,l have five. yep, 5, but they're all your age, m'dear.
I blog. I guest blog. I host guest bloggers. I do giveaway and reviews. And you know what? I love it. I enjoy some "me" time – and if it happens to be on the computer, who cares? Why does anyone feel the need to tell a mom what they think she should be doing during her day?
My husband is gone all day long. When he gets home, he takes a break from work. He goes out on the weekends. He has hobbies. Yet, any type of break a woman takes is considered neglectful, abusive to their family, and themselves.
My sanity time IS my blogging time. I love to write about my thoughts, my day, my child. I enjoy doing giveaways for products that have made my life easier, and I know will do the same for you. I like the thrill of opening up my email to a "Would you like this product?" Yep, love it actually. That's what makes me happy. I love to be rewarded for doing something I love, and that's a part of it.
Writing is theraputic. Blair writes for that reason. She has ads and giveaways because SHE'S FANTASTIC at it. I honestly don't understand caring what she does in her off time – it's hers. Her life. Her choices. We have no idea how much time she blogs. Tweets are 140 characters people, a few of them a day isn't taking up dinner time with the family. A facebook page runs itself.
There is the little red in the corner of each page for a reason. There are millions of mommy bloggers out there that post once a week. Surely one them will be to your liking – I mean, obviously with all your quality family time you really should only be reading one blog post a week anyway. Wouldn't want to overdo.
Blair ::fist pump:: you are awesome. You set a higher standard for moms everywhere.
I 100% agree with the double standard that men are allowed to work, come home and need "time to themselves"… but then if they take out the garbage and feed the baby they're "excellent fathers" and "so supportive" but if a mother needs some time to unwind she's neglectful.
my husband truly *is* and excellent father and 110% supportive… but he doesn't feel guilty for his time away from our baby and I do. it sucks.
Liar, Liar, pants on fire Blair. You're a complete liar and you know it!
As other commenters have pointed out you spend tons of time on this blog, message boards, twitter, etc. all while claiming to be so "devoted" to your job and your family. Do you think if your boss knew about all the time you're on the internet "building your brand" when you're supposed to be working, he'd think you were that devoted to your 40+ hour per week job? Don't even get me started about all the time you're NOT spending with your child and husband.
I think the reason you're so upset with the article is because the truth hurts.
I honestly have no beef at all with your blog or the fact that you make money off it – in fact, GOOD FOR YOU, but be honest with yourself (and your readers) about how much time you're actually spending doing it all.
I think its great that dooce, PW, etc make money off their blogs. Cuz they ARE MOMS. Who CARE FOR THEIR KIDS.
You are patting yourself on the back for feeding him one bottle. I'm most amused that Blair compares anything she does to motherhood.
I feel awful for you because I think you went into motherhood very naively and are finding that it isn't for you.
Plus, you aren't a 'brand'. No one outside of the nest knows who you are. You crave approval from strangers and, sadly, can't bring yourself to put forth the effort to put your sweet baby first.
Please, please, please get more help and focus on your baby who so desperately needs every ounce of you right now.
Oh, hi! You follow my blog & obviously follow me on Twitter, too! Thank you for your loyalty. smoochies!
Ha—
Just so you know, you are a disgusting person. That is pretty much it.
Your theory that no one outside the Nest knows Blair is wrong. I have been following Blair since Harpie, and I am not on the Nest.
Yes, please be a mom who loves her child and does anything for her child – not her blog. Call it quits, take care of yourself and take care of your family. Becoming a new mother is hard, it is a big adjustment, and it takes some time to get used to. Give yourself that time to get comfortable with your new life rather than posting about it to anyone who wants to read.
Great post, Blair. Sorry you felt the need to explain yourself and how you spend your time. I am glad you are able to make time to respond to emails/tweets/blog posts, etc. Only you know what you can personally accomplish.
And for what it's worth, I am still a few years from babymaking, but still read every post, even if it is a giveaway that I have zero interest in entering. I think it is great that you are now able to make a few dollars off of something you love so much.
Mmm, well said. I agree with Nate, you are really smart.
What gets my panties into a bunch pronto is when others feel the need to judge you & your choices. Eff! What do they know about what makes Blair healthy?!
As one who has walked down Almost Crazy Ln. & fought tooth & nail not to lose myself to depression, I have learned first hand the truth of "whatever works for you". Writing was a HUGE part of my recovery & my therapist highly recommended it too. It's just bonus that you can make some extra money on the side doing it!
Loved this post.
FYI about journalism– the author of an article only EXCEEDINGLY rarely gets to select the headline for said article. The copy editors write the headlines, not the reporters.
You know, I spend a lot of time on my blog, facebook, twitter and message boards. I have a 10 month old daughter.
I don't do it as well as Blair, so I don't have millions of readers or cool sponsors. But, I do know how blogging makes me feel normal and allows me to connect with people. Not once have I heard that I should spend more time with Tillie.
I don't understand the haters.
Keep it up Blair, I love your "brand".
I have read the article and also read other mommy bloggers responses to it and I think what you said about the title is what bothers me most also.
Like you said, this is MY time also to just be alone and enjoy a creative outlet. I have not ventured into the whole "building my brand" and I don't know if I ever will…but I think that is a great thing for mom's who are wanting to take on that challenge and get a little extra cash for the time they spend blogging. Like you said, potential college fund, family vacation money, or in a perfect world: the opportunity to be a SAHM.
Kudos to you and all the other Mommy Blogger's out there!
You remember a Knottie/Nestie/Bumpie named "Sulla"? Meet Jennifer Mendohlson.
Forgot to add that she has her own blog:
http://www.jenmen.com/
So she's a mommy blogger too.
Yep, I saw that after I wrote this & even commented on her blog! I'm glad she cleared up that she had nothing to do with the title – as I said in the post, that's where my issue lay with the whole thing.
But thanks for pointing it out – others should read what she's had to say in response.
I also didn't care for the article itself although I didn't find it as offensive as a lot of people seemed to. What I really couldn't stand was the stupid title. Who the hell chose that? What in the world were they thinking was going to happen with a title like that one? Idiotic.
Some of the comments above are hilarious, especially about how much you tweet and facebook. Stalk much, people? MOVE ON.
As per usual, I adore you, haters can hate and I'll be here with the rest of your fans; watching, learning and loving.
I published a post about this article as well shortly ago. I edited it recently to link yours because I think it is also another view on the offensive title of Miss Mendelsohn's article!!
Hmmmm….you know what??? I am 25 with two kids and most of my friends aren't even married yet. I have no one my age that I work with, and so far I have found blogging a lifesaver. Theres so many Mommy bloggers I relate with including you. Thank you so much for being brutally honest and I would totally buy stock in your brand:) I think most of your haters definitely need to get laid. A lot. Maybe they should take the time out of blogging against you and give it a try lol.
Yeah this article could send me either way. I mean I see what she is saying…but come on. Way to group a few bad eggs into a stereotype. Not to mention if I was a Daddy Blogger this wouldn't even be an issue, it would be expected behavior. Take that Feminine Rhetoric class
Amen, Blair!!
And just to add, sometimes the giveaways are not just about the brand, exposure, etc. Right now I'm doing a series to promote milk donation. And all I care about is that Moms find out yes, you can donate milk, because I didn't know this until January.
Love your post – just found your site. Thank you…and sweet shoes.
blair
you go girl! i give you so much credit for doing what you do. we all need something for ourselves. or we'd all be locked up. thank you for your openness. i actually just wrote a post about my own journey with ppd on my blog. http://ecurran04.blogspot.com/
You just thanked me for my ‘loyalty’ for being a ‘hater’ on your blog/Twitter/Nest, etc. You’re right in that I do have loyalty. I am actually a friend of yours ‘for realsies’. I’ve commented under a few different names (I’m sure you could dig through IP addresses and find the other names I’ve used.) But I hide behind a bunk IP in Timbuktu because 1) I feel like an a-hole 2) I don’t want to be ‘the one’ that finally said something. Safety in numbers I guess, and everyone else is just talking about this to each other and not to you. See numbers 1&2. _________________________________________________________________I think that’s enough to prove I know what I’m talking about, without letting the crazy stalkers have a field day?
You are obsessed with your ‘haters’ and your ‘brand’. You are lovely to your husband (who is admittedly a very good guy) and your friends. Your PPD seems nonexistent at times but becomes the rabbit you pull out of a hat when you want to escape or need material to blog about. You’ve always struggled with the way people ‘take’ you and your blog was a great way to be the ‘cool’ girl but the randoms that criticize you absolutely eat at you and it’s totally unhealthy.
We both know how much you hated being at home when he was tiny. And we all know that you haven’t developed the maternal bone you’d hoped for. But your priority isn’t taking the load off of your husband or being present for your baby or building that bond that you know is lacking. After talking with you I’m often left wondering why you thought all of this was a good idea. My heart breaks for you because I think you used to want this to go smoothly but all you care about is marketing yourself to gain strangers’ approval, not nurturing the life you brought into the world. Call it PPD or call it disinterest. I don’t really know. But it needs to stop. Today, stop facebooking. The next day, stop with twitter. Wean yourself off. You and I both know how many hours you invest in this. It rules your conversations and makes you OBSESSED with “Blair”.
But guess what? Blair only exists to you. Your friends don’t want to hang out with Blair. Your husband isn’t “nate” and your son wants you to live in reality, not some bizarre internet fantasy. Stop talking about it all. Stop obsessing. Stop tuning out the people that are trying to hint around it all- you snap at people that tell you what you don’t want to hear so everyone beats around the bush. And I’m not going to anymore. You are on a very unhealthy path and you are LOVING it because it means more attention. That isn’t right.
I hope this makes sense to you and I hope you can reflect on your life over the past few weeks. Some people are never blessed with a baby and those who are should make damn sure they are doing what their sweet baby needs. It breaks my heart that this is happening because I think you’ve lost touch with reality. I pray that you wake up before you miss out. Priorities, girlie, priorities.
HOLY ZINGER. This doesn't shock me AT ALL. I hope you listen to your real life friend – as a stranger who follows your blog, I've been thinking the same thing since your LO was born. You were hilarious as a pregnant woman – and your motherhood blogs have all seemed forced and weird. Like something just wasn't right. I wasn't totally surprised by the PPD post – but I was surprised that you KEPT POSTING and acted like nothing happened right after you admitted wishing someone would run your child down with their car. And for someone who is having trouble bonding with their baby – I guess I don't get why you're spending big chunks of time running around with your sorority sisters getting tattoos instead of spending time with your son. You can get tattoos later, when you're feeling better. It sounds kind of manic – to get tattooed when your life is falling apart.
And I've always wondered why you have a pen name for yourself and your husband but have no qualm pimping out your kid and his real name on the internet? Ick.
If you are really her friend…maybe you should discuss it with her. Not hint at it, just sit her down and tell her what you are feeling. I think sharing it on her blog is ridiculous. I would want a true friend to have "the balls" to approach me and tell me how she/he really feels.
How about this, "friend?" Email me.
Quit being a chickenshit. Email me. Quit hiding behind the email address friend@friend.com. Quit posting from your Blackberry on an untraceable IP address.
If you know me as well as you claim to, email me. Oh, & if you don't, my fake email is blairbear111@gmail.com. Let's hug this out, okay?
If you care that much to write an incredible diatribe in the early morning hours (which, by the way, could lead to a discussion about your own life considering if you "know" me this well that you live around me, meaning this was posted around 12:30am)…then email me. Grow some cajones & do it.
this is all well said, but you should have just emailed her if you were her friend in real life and not posted it on her blog for all to read you're
a. feeding her need for haterade
and
b getting attention for yourself
this is sad, no wonder blair is messed up, even her real friends are jerks.
Agreed that the friend shouldn't have spoken out in this public way, but I can understand why. Sometimes it is just too hard to say things that need to be said directly. And I do think some things need to be said.
I'm not real-life friends with you but I can see all of these things that others see too. We were pregnant at the same time. You were a little ahead of me. I figured out back then you had a flair for the (over) dramatic because any possible side effect of pregnancy there was, you got it, and got it WORSE THAN ANYONE'S EVER HAD IT. I was always waiting for these things to happen to me, but they never did. But hey, pregnancy's different for everyone, right? It was still good for a fun read.
Then your baby arrived before mine. Sweet, amazing, beautiful. But as PP said, something about your posts wasn't right. Suddenly it was like there was hardly any mention of Harrison, his milestones, pics of his smile.. the things regular parents are SO thrilled to share with the world. In their place – overdramatic, overwritten, sappy letters professing your love to him monthly. But where is the DAILY love? Something about it just didn't fit right.
Then the PPD diagnosis came, and I thought, well, that's good, that makes sense. But your "life" online doesn't jive with the diagnosis. I've had severe anxiety. I've been there. And what it does NOT equal is running out of the room b/c you can't "deal" with the screaming, just to get on twitter and crack jokes w/ your friends.
I know, this is the part where you call me stalker. But it's funny how putting your life out there for others is fine, and this blog-world wouldn't exist without us readers. But as soon as we pay attention to what's really going on, we're stalkers.
Speaking of stalkers, I really wish you hadn't put Harrison's real name on the internets. I don't even know you, but it's really, really easy to figure out your full name on the internet since you did that. I know, I'm a stalker. Whatever. I'm not – but someone else might be.
I don't know the point of saying all this to you, except that you put yourself out there to make us all feel like we know you, and when you did that, some people (like me) just got worried about you. I think this thing has gotten out of control. And you're right, no one has the right to tell you what to do with your life, but people can be concerned for you. Please do what's best for you and that sweet baby, whatever that may be.
You sound like you know Blair; but aren't someone whose opinion she respects enough to ask for help or advice from. Maybe I'm wrong and she has asked you for advice/help…not sure there. Anyhow, she's clearly an entrepreneur. Her proverbial bucket is a little full now and she's working on sorting it out and prioritizing what makes sense for her. She's sorting it out publicly and I appreciate her sharing that with us. Her hubby and her child don't appear to be suffering at all from it though. In fact, they all seem great.
Consider that perhaps she doesn't aspire to be like you, so what works for you and what you think is "right", isn't right for her. Let's just give her some room to sort through all of this and find her own path. She's getting help from her doctor and therapist (who are the experts), so that should suffice. The last time I checked, the "comments" section hasn't been renamed "judgements".
"You’re right in that I do have loyalty. I am actually a friend of yours ‘for realsies’. I’ve commented under a few different names (I’m sure you could dig through IP addresses and find the other names I’ve used.) But I hide behind a bunk IP in Timbuktu because 1) I feel like an a-hole 2) I don’t want to be ‘the one’ that finally said something."
hmmm….An actual "friend" would put their friend's health above their own feelings of a-holeness. Where is your "loyalty"? Oh, and one last piece of take your own advice here friend…"Priorities, girlie, priorities." Interventions are best done face to face.
Blair– as a new momma and one who battled depression before and PPD now, I know much of the awful and difficult things that run through our minds. It is so hard to believe when I read the dribble coming from other ladies and mens postings on PPD where it seems to 'come from nowhere' that they have never slapped a smile on their faces and hidden behind it on a bad day. Lord knows that I am an AMAZING actress and I bet you are too. Those with depression know how to hide it. So *hugs* to you Blair! I'm not one who writes on a regular basis but was told to journal by my dr in hopes that it would help me. I have a journal and bad days it pours onto the pages. So congrats on being brave enough to journal online and hey, you deserve this outlet!
The fact that it is 10:30 am, almost 12 hours after this posted, and you have yet to email me explains two things:
a) you really are an asshole.
b) we really are not friends.
Email me. Call me. Meet me for coffee. Let's hug this out. Talk to me about your concerns.
and I find it hilarious that other comments are taking your ramblings as "truth" for these supposed obsessions & conversations? Because I'm weeding through the folks I have seen in real life since Harrison's birth (not many) & so far, no dice.
So that leaves another option – you're chickenshit & full of shit.
Or it means that she HAS A LIFE and isn't completely tied to her computer 24/7 like you.
Shame on you, "friend" for pouring out judgment that's not yours to give.
all this "hate" makes me weirdly nervous.
ummm- i'm appalled that those shoes are $130 ON SALE. suck.
B- You know I ♥ you and the comments above from your supposed IRL friend are BS. I know the things she mentioned without having to have met you.
A real friend wouldn’t be a coward and call you out on your blog, they would pull you aside and Say “Hey, B, I think you are spending a little too much time blogging/online and maybe you should give it a break”
What I find interesting is that you DID give a break to focus on it all. I can twitter and blog from my phone—so you could be doing such things on breaks and while driving to and from work. You also hardly EVER post on TB anymore, so I don’t see how that’s even relevant.
Keep it up, honey. You are fabulous. I hope you find out who this supposed IRL friend is and tell them to eff off.
HOLY MACARONI, Blair.
This post blew UP! I agree with you. GL. I love the blog.
Whoa. What is going on in here? Lovely "friend"….her comments were WHORETASTIC.
Obviously she is somewhat of an ass clown and too chicken to say this sh!t to your face. Eff her, Eff them all. Keep on keepin' on, girl. Take care of yourself and do it in anyway you have to….for YOU.
you know I love your blog!
Oh, and I also hate the fact that you're republican but you are just too awesome to hate!!
I hope you have a great day, darlin'
i have a total headache reading thru these comments. who gives a crap if you spell santa claus with an e? who tells someone they are just depressed for something fun to write about? who spends all their time following you all over the web and then sits down and writes a novel about how much they dont like you. geesh. im just shocked. didnt their mothers ever teach them the, "if you dont have something nice to say…" rule. i think what you've done with your blog is amazing and very admirable. i see the way women on the bump and your blog followers adore you! not like you need to hear it from me, but keep up the good work!
It's funny that people telling you to step away from the computer are the ones writing a book for a comment. And it is shocking how easily the hate and judgement flow from so many. No wonder our world is so messed up. Even though you write with such candor and openness, none of us actually 'know' you so who are we to judge. No one is forcing them to read… I just don't get it.
Keep up the good work. I doubt CPS will start inquiring on mommyblogers
Can someone catch me up with what the big deal is?
Because she has a job and a child and a husband she isnt allowed to twitter/fb/blog? I don't understand?
Does she have your permission to take a shower that's longer than 5 minutes? What about a long hot bath? I bet she isn't allowed to go shopping alone either is she? Because you know, wives and mothers are supposed to devote ever fiber of their being to everything other than themselves.
It's this insane standard that causes people to feel guilty and never good enough. Way to go for your big fat fail.
So glad someone else said they love the blog but hate that you're a Republican. Every time your posts get the least bit political I find myself gritting my teeth. But I keep coming back b/c I enjoy you otherwise. Also, re: the "story of us" post: feminism is not a bad thing. Maybe the sterotypical "feminist" is an unsavory character, but don't hate on feminism. Otherwise, heart the blog!!
ha. I love it when Libs get all pissy when Republicans actually *gasp* discuss their Political views…but Democrats do it ALL THE TIME and it's completely acceptable.
*insert eyeroll*
Blair – you are a major AW & drama queen – but I like that about you. It makes your Blog SO fun to read.
Hahaha whatever.
Oh and I wan't getting "all pissy". I also didn't want to start some sort of political argument, either. I was simply stating why I love her blog. But you can continue to be rude. Good for you.
"Democrats do it ALL THE TIME" – What an idiotic blanket statement to make. As though there could ever possibly be one thing that the entirety of a massive group of diverse people ALL do, "ALL THE TIME." Get over yourself.
when you're dead it doesn't matter what policitcal party you bitched about, get over it hunnies and go have some fun already. i'm 66 and i see you on here wasting your time complaining, waste your time when you're old like me. for now, go live it up and quit bitchin on this blog. lolhahahaha
blair darling, it's a damn shame you had to put comment moderation on here because of one of your RL friends. poor thing, let me make you a drink
make it gin, please!!
but it's also helping me make sure nobody "double-entries" into the necklace give away
so it's sort of a win-win right now!
Also, when will you post "Family, Part 2?"
soon!
I'm thinking Friday.
Yay! I can't wait to read the conclusion.
Blair –
I have followed your blog for awhile now and only commented one other time, but I feel the need to again. 1) it is no ones business how you spend your time besides you, your husband and baby. Every mother does need time to herself to remember who SHE is and I truely think that does make her a better mother. And if blogging is your "me" time and you can make money from doing it GOOD FOR YOU!!! 2) if people hate your blog so much why are they still reading and commenting? Seriously, if I don't like something I get it out of my life. 3) if that RL friend is for real she never was your friend and obvioulsy has never struggled with PPD or adjusting to motherhood. Because you know what, as much as I love being a mom its freaking hard. And if any mom says she hasn't had feelings of being overwhelmed and wanting to run away she is kidding herself. 4) you obvioulsy give your child a wonderful life. It doesn't look like he wants for anything, so keep your head up and know that everyone has a different way of doing things, do wants right for YOU and YOUR family. Anyway, Ill stop going on and on now. Please know you have a ton of readers that support you and love reading your blog. GO BLAIR!!!!
What kind of friend calls out her friend on a blog?
There have been times I have disagreed with Blair. (gasp!). She knows because I have sent her a message saying "WTH?". If you really feel like she is neglecting her family, blogging too much, is not a good wife, etc…. Talk to her. Call her. Text her. FB message her. PM her. Whatever means you have to get in touch with her.
Really, there is no reason to bring personal issues here.
Brandi, you know I love your "WTH?" messages
Blair, you are the only one who can live your life. No one knows your situation but you. Not even Nate. There are always things you just can't verbalize. They reside in the fibers of your being. Judgmental people are a dime a dozen, matter of fact you'll also almost always have supporters & yes-wo(men). Who cares? No one can justify you and your choices. Live your truth. Ignore the judgments and just keep trying to be the best you. That will always be enough.
some people scrapbook, you blog. big whoop. and now you're getting PAID!
I wanna know how making extra money that can benefit your family = you neglecting your family?
And even if you didn't make extra money, if it makes you happy WTH is the big deal???
If you're happy doing this then there is no need to stop. A real friend would support you not publicly (or privately) give you low blows and attack you.
Here's the thing that I really don't get–few people would criticize moms for being part of a Mom's group. I don't know about you, but my mom's group hires a babysitter, so that the moms can have time to fellowship amongst themselves. Time for community. During that time, the moms are away from their children….and that's okay.
Isn't the idea the same when it comes to blogging? We're still spending time socializing with other moms and building a community. And we may not even be AWAY from our kids to do it. Like you, I knock out three or four posts while Lizzy is napping (often on my chest as I'm typing), or while Justin is watching a TV show that he loves and I don't. But again, I'm a "good mom" for being a part of a mom's group, and a "bad mom" for blogging. I just think the whole argument is flawed.
Also, LAME of the "friend" who obviously isn't.
Rock on, sisterfriend. Rock. On.
I'm not a "hater." If you can make money off of this, good for you! I do miss the "real" posts though. It seems like most posts are giveaways now…
I also have wondered why you have pen names for you & your husband but not for Harrison. Not being a jerk… just being curious.
Hi
I have 3 jobs, 3 kids, an ex husband, a loan to the bank, and way to many days left till the next payday, but even so my 15 minutes of my time…I spend it daily on nice online reads and till this day you never disappointed me.
I'm greatful for sweetening my daily routine. Yeah, hard era but everyone remember that we need enjoyment also in our lives.
Later!
Blair -I was swooning at those shoes last week. Do you think that the dark rust color would look good with the right shade of pink? As long as it didn't have too much grey in it? I can only justify it if I can add a second season.
Blair…I think your blog is great, it is the only one I follow. I had my little guy 10 days before you had yours and I feel like sometimes I can relate. Not with the PPD, but with the daily stress of life, a nasty case of the reflux baby and for the flair of the overdramatic!!
I think it is great that you can make money off of this whole thing…if I had the patience to sit down and gather my jumbled thoughts in my head I would do it too…but I doubt anyone would read it! Shame on those that comment back saying that you don't take the time for your family. You deserve an outlet to vent your fears and frustrations. Do we look down upon those writing in a daily journal? No we don't. They are just jealous that they aren't making money off of those journals!
I also have a very busy life, a very busy husband, a preemie baby that needs a lot of attention, a hectic job…but I will still go on my facebook numerous times per day to discuss my life, I am even guilty of going on about 30 minutes after delivering my baby since he was taken to the NICU. It was a way of connecting to family and friends since they are far away and not always in contact. It is easier than picking up the phone to call everyone under the sun to tell them how we were doing. I believe we are all guilty of spending a lot of time on the computer posting things. Hell, these people commenting seem to have a lot of time to follow your blog, facebook, twitter and so on…they must be neglecting their families as well. I still put the computer down to play with my son and spend time with my husband. But the baby does go to bed, or plays by himself, or with his daddy…and I am not always going to be by his side. It doesn't make me a bad mommy…it gives him some independence!
You keep doing what you are doing and forget about those so called "friends" that are commenting on here and not to you in person. If that person is too afraid to say anything to you in real life then they are ridiculous. I hope all is getting better with you and your family…and if you keep writing I will keep reading!
I thought I'd throw in my two cents as I believe I'm at least as articulate and qualified to comment as most of the people who feel the need to do so.
I plan to run a marathon in 2011. That means hours away from my baby and my husband doing something that is only for me. Something that makes me feel good and proud of myself. But because I don't choose to put myself out there, because I'm not brave enough, I won't be judged for that. People will probably say "good for you!".
I think it's unfortunate that you are judged for how you choose to spend your "you time". Anyone who suggests that cutting out all time you spend on the things that make you happy that don't have to do with your child or husband will make you *more* healthy is seriously misguided.
I enjoy your blog. And if you embelish the drama to make it more fun to read? I'm ok with that. and if you don't? That's fine too. Just because I like the peeks you give me into your life, doesn't mean I don't have one of my own. Maybe some of your "loyal fans" should try getting one too.