Last week, I stumbled across an article that asked the question, “Are you raising a douchebag?”
& considering that I have the maturity level & humor of a 15-year-old boy, I started laughing so hard I almost cried. & then promptly forwarded it to Nate.
After reading it, I began thinking of all the kids out there that are…well, DOUCHEBAGS.
Back when Harrison was first born, I braved our (tiny) local library for some reading while he napped. (oh my God, the days when he used to nap. like a fairytale long ago in a far away land, or maybe a story shared over Christmas dinner with a tear in your eye, like when you believed in Santa Clause. but I digress) I managed to single-handedly unfold the stroller out of the trunk, get Harrison in the stroller, sling the diaper bag across my shoulder, make sure I hadn’t locked my keys in the trunk, & by the time I made it across the parking lot to the swinging library doors, I felt like I had run a marathon. A young girl (probably somewhere around 9 years old) ran in front of me & her mother as I approached the doors, wondering how I was going to manage this. ”Oh, sweet!” I thought. ”She’s going to hold the door for me!” She opens the door, & walks through. I trot right on her heels, expecting her to do that awkward holding-of-the-door from the inside…and she drops the door. Right on me, my stroller, & my sleeping baby. BAM! I find myself wedged precariously, now trying to shove the metal & glass with my shoulder, push the stroller, & pray that Harrison didn’t wake up. The little girl never glanced back & her mother never even blinked an eye when I looked back at her like, “Did you see what your daughter just did?!” No apology. No reprimand. Not even a blink of recognition for the scene that just occurred.
“Your daughter?!” I wanted to scream. ”IS A DOUCHEBAG. AND SO ARE YOU, BECAUSE YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE.”
Are the days truly gone when children would hold doors open for adults, women with strollers, & little ol’ ladies? Can I truly no longer walk through Target without being plowed down by a 10-year-old boy on Wheelies with no apology? & are parents really putting up with their children saying, “SHUT UP!” to them in Aeropastle over a stack of cheap graphic tees?
I don’t know about you, but I fully plan on raising my son to be a gentlemen. I’ve gone back on a lot of things I “thought” I would never do as a parent – co-sleeping, solids, lovies in the crib, caring about vomit on my shoulder. But I will not compromise on manners. My son will say “please.” He will say “thank you.” He will hold the door for women with strollers, limping with vaginal stitches. God forbid if I ever cave to Wheelies, he will stop & apologize should he ever run into someone. He will open the car door for his date, clear his plate after dinner, & mow the grass for a mere $10. & he absolutely will ask his fiance’s father face-to-face if he can have her hand in marriage.
Because that is what a gentleman does.
p.s. this morning, I had to explain to The Momma the new meaning of the word “douchebag” since it is more slang for a pretentious, entitled jackass rather than an actual tool used to rinse out your box. Which apparently was popular back in the 60′s and 70′s.
I totally agree! My proudest moments with Noelle are the moments when she holds the door for someone or says thank you to someone who holds it for her. I know I did my job right
I totally agree. I watch three kids and the youngest is a 4 year old boy. I taught him that "boys hold doors open for girls" and he does it! I definitely make sure that he has proper manners and he gets reprimanded if he doesn't. I'm just the nanny and I see how important it is!
My parents raised me to be very respectful of my elders. I'm 30 now and I still have a hard time calling my friend's parents anything but Mr. or Mrs. soandso. I fully plan on raising my phantom children the same way.
And I lol-ed at the Momma and the douchebag. I have a horrible story about a childhood bath and a "barbie fountian" I made with something my mom had on the side of the tub. The word douchebag takes me back every time.
It is EXHAUSTING to instill manners & consideration in a child. Sometimes I feel like a real nag and that I may be the only mother on the planet insisting that my children look others in the eye and "use their manners".
The reward comes though when I am complimented on their manners and I see them in action withour prodding. My 5 year old daughter will look a waiter in the eye, order her own lunch and finish with a clear and genuine "Please" and my 2 1/2 year old son will shake hands when meeting a new friend and rushes to hold the door for anyone.
Stick to it Blair! It will be one of the best things you can do for your child. The teaching opportunities come often and early and, as in most parenting chores, be consistent and Harrison will grow up to be a gem!
AMEN! My parents raised us with manners and we will raise our son to (like you said) a gentleman. We live in the south were it used to be the normal way of life and now a days I can't even get a 'your welcome' after I say thank you to server or cashier. I get that blank stare like they are at a loss for words.
I don't believe that it will be that hard to instill manners into Robert. Children learn behavior and if you use manners yourself, yes ma'am, no sir, please, and thank you; I would think they would follow suit.
all the years my mom forced me to sit down & write thank you notes for birthday gifts stuck…to this day, i STILL send them.
raising boys with manners is different from raising girls with manners, but i WILL do it. i can hear it now:
"yes."
"yes WHAT?"
"yes ma'am."
ITA with you Blair! Manners are extremely important. I can only hope that through all my hard work of teaching my son manners that he doesn't ignore them and turn into a douche bag.
My aunt has 3 boys and 1 girl. She has said that in her experience it takes so much more work to raise boys to be gentleman and treat people right than it does to raise a girl to be strong and respectful.
That being said, in all my years of babysitting and nannying experience, I've long had more trouble with bratty little girls than douchey little boys.
I only hope that when my little guy arrives, I'll have the tools to raise him to be the fun-loving, respectful mensh that I hope he'll become. It's amazing to me that more people don't make that a priority in molding their children as they grow.
AMEN to this POST!! At my former job I've encountered quite a few douchebag kids and parents alike. I even witnessed 2 kids run into a lady and their mother yelled at the lady THEY RAN INTO!! Probably because the woman told them to watch where they were going. I'm a firm believer in the whole "it takes a village" philosphy. When I was little I wouldn't have dared disrespect an adult in anyway, mostly out of fear that the adult AND my parents would scold me. Now kids talk to adults however they want because no one, not even their parents half the time, dicipline them or teach them manners. I know it's not going to be easy but I agree with you 100%. My son will be a gentleman. It's just sad that, like the previous post said, it's so hard to instill manners because parents that do are the minority.
:::stepping off soapbox now:::
AMEN!!! Children these days show no respect to adults! From knowing you(of course only through blog land) no WAY Harrison will be a douche!
Congrats Momma for realizing what most parents don't!
High Five!
THANK YOU! I completely agree. I stare around me and wonder what these people are thinking letting their children run rampant and be so rude. I bite my tongue because I'm not a parent yet, but I think society wise, people are slipping and we have no one to blame but ourselves (okay I blame other people since I haven't done it yet, but YKWIM).
I refuse to go through a labor of love and birth a child, raise him/her, only to have people think he/she is a douchebag because of lack of manners!
LMAO. Pretty sure I just peed myself a little reading your post. Can my child be a douchebag already for ravaging my lady bits during childbirth leaving me with no bladder control?
HEAR HEAR!!!!
Amen sista!
When I was on maternity leave I was so sick of being cooped up in the house. I finally decided to brave the outside world with my son. We went to Kohls and he had a breakdown (turns out he had is first case of horrible diaper rash). He is screaming his head off in the stroller and I'm trying to get out of the store as fast as possible. I can tell there is a lady walking behind me. I slowed a little thinking she would come up and open the door for me, but she doesn't. I get the stroller through the door and even hold the door for her (without turning around). She never grabbed it and I was just standing there holding it and the stoller was starting to roll away. I looked back and she had stopped in the door way and was sending a text!!!!! She didn't even look up at me, so I let the door go. It was a very heavy door and it whacked her good. I heard her say "ouch" and I said to my son (very loudly) "can you belive the nerve of some people. She was really rude wasn't she".
Could not agree more with this post. I just discovered your blog today and have to say thank you for writing with so much honesty and humor about life, weight gain, babies, et al. I have a 2-year old and think every day about the boy/man he will become – hopefully in that order. I was raised well, as was my husband. We have manners, we respect hard work and other people. I think if you lead by example, your children will follow. It really infuriates me when people let their children run rampant, with no scolding, time outs, etc. More parenting, less gossiping with pals Mommies!
Anyhow, my two cents, thanks for this blog, I will enjoy reading and following along.
Lena
Tampa, FL
I couldn't agree more! My daughter is 15 months old and she gets mauled over by these preschoolers/children when we're at the playground. Do I see their mom's telling them to be careful of the toddler? No. When Olivia snatches a toy from a poor baby, I tell her she's got to learn to share and give the toy back to the baby.
I really believe its parent's being lazy. My children will never been douchbags.
You took the words out of my mouth Blair! My son who is now 8 months old, will hold the door for ladies, the elderly, and for anyone else that he sees that is coming through! My husband opens doors for me and gets mad when I don't let him. I also thank profusely everyone who holds doors for me when I am with my little one. I am making it my mission in life to make sure my son is raised to have impeccable manners.
It's "your daughter," not "you're daughter." Y-O-U-'-R-E = "you are." Y-O-U-R = "belonging to you." Sorry to go all grammar police on you, but since it was a pivotal part of your story and written in all caps, it was a glaring error that detracted from your humor/message.
ahh, thanks!! Obviously, I got a little carried away when typing
I couldn't agree more. Manners are so important. I was raised to respect people and to always be polite and I am so put off by people who don't follow those simple rules of decorum. I stress them everyday with my 2 yr old son. He doesn't get what he wants without a please and then a thank you as well. I am aghast at what I see his peers do in our playgroup. LOL on the explaining it to the mama, I am pretty sure I would have to do the same!!
i love that you thanked me and corrected it rather than getting all "WHATEVS, GRAMMAR NAZI!" on me. love your blog; keep up the good work.
Totally agree.
On the not of Douchebags;
Three years ago I was in a woman's history class, where the professor asked all the women there to raise their hand if they think that they need to douche their lady business.
You wouldn't even believe it…more than half of women raised their hands! Granted, a lot of them were 40yrs+, but even some women in their early 30's felt compelled to argue that douching is necessary!
um…your va-jay-jay is effed up. That's bad for your PH balance, and your business is a self-cleaning organ, dumbass!
TOTALLY agree. Keevie will be a lady, albeit with an attitude. She will say please and thank you. She will know how to arrange flowers, sew on a button, do laundry, cook dinner, make dessert, etc. Sexist? No. Ladylike? Yes.
wheelies ::shudder::
I'm picking up what you're putting down sister! Manners all around and seconds, please! The hardest thing is remembering that I have to model the manners I want my child to emulate all. the. time. That means I have to be on high alert for opportunities to say thank you to people, hold doors for people, smile at people, and generally be way more outwardly focused that I would be if I were just toodling along in my usually spaced-put daze. But it's totally worth it every time my two-year old says "Than-koooo!" to someone who has held an elevator open for us.
I must admit, "douchebag" is one of the most common words used in our household to describe people who piss us off for one reason or another. My favorite is when someone cuts ME off while driving, in turn I honk my horn and HE gives me the finger. Douchebag!
And this winter when it was snowing buckets and -12 degrees for two whole weeks we coined the new term, "douche-cicle".
Anyhoo . . . I truly want my son to be a gentleman as well. However, I don't intend to have him get there via my MIL's way of teaching. They said please, thank you and held doors or else they got slapped around. Not my cup of tea when talking about teaching manners.
I have a confession to make. In general, I don't like kids. I love me some babies, but kids – eish. And your post exemplifies why. Almost all, like 98.99%, of the children I encounter on a daily basis are douchebags. Or, more correctly, their parents are douchebags and they are following in their footsteps.
I too vow to raise a gentleman or a lady (not sure which type of bun is in the oven quite yet).
And again I say (because I say it all the freakin' time), why is there a test to drive but not to parent?
Amen! Love this post.
Hi, new reader – thanks to babyrabies – so not sure how old Harrison is, but it's never too early to start. My 22-month old says please and thank you and helps clear the table after dinner. It takes a bajillion trips since we only give her one thing at a time to carry but she happily does it. It's just what we all do.
And I found the easiest way to teach her please and thank you was by saying it to her (and to each other.) She just learned it as what you say. She's automatic with us but needs prodding out in the world, but she'll get it eventually.
Man, I hope this doesn't come off too braggy and obnoxious. But, um, at least I'm not using ALL CAPS to correct you or anything.
Yes indeedy. I'm taking Rowan a step further, too. He will ALWAYS respond with "sir" or "ma'am" when being spoken to by an adult. No exceptions. I was raised that way, and I am STILL told how polite I am by older folks. Thanks, Mom & Dad! I'm not a douchebag
LOVE IT!! I was raised in a VERY strict manners household (hold your fork a certain way, P's & Q's, no elbows on the table, etc.). To this day, I still answer my parents' telephone the same way, "___ Residence…May I please tell them who is calling?" haha! With now 2 little boys, I'm REALLY hoping they will learn their manners…although their daddy was not brought up in such a strict way. Teach Harrison the baby signs for please & thank you…they are super simple. Plus it's the cutest thing when they sign their manners! I always make our 20M old sign please before we give him anything haha. I just hope it sticks!
I have done some things as a parent that I swore I never would; however, I will never but NEVER cave to Wheelies! I hate them with every fiber of my being. How can kids get away with rolling around in crowded places where skates would never be acceptable, just because the wheel is hiding in the shoe? Effing ridiculous.
I digress – great post, manners are NOT dead. One of the things that bugs me the most about the younger generations (ours included) is the sense of entitlement that kids are growing up with. My family may not be as hipster and well-to-do as the examples in the article, but I don't care if it's foie gras or corn dogs, I want my kids to grasp the concept of GRATITUDE from an early age.
Great post!
I've encountered some of these, but generally speaking, I find people to be helpful.
My favorite was three college age boys who entered the mall ahead of me. One of them happened to turn around as I was struggling with the door. "Oh, I didn't know you were behind us!" and he ran to get the door.
The world felt a little bit nicer that afternoon.
Here Here! My parents raised all four of us to respect our elders and holding doors open wasn’t an option – it was a requirement. I will make sure my child understands manners are not dead.
Isn’t it just common decency? Why don’t children have to be decent to others, especially people who could use a helping hand? This irks me to no end! My son is having a little trouble learning this but mostly it’s because he seems to be wrapped in his own little head more than the fact that he’s rude. We’re working on it. Daily. But so many people just…don’t. Follow the golden rule and you should be fine (which is what I tell my boys all of the time – Do unto others…)
Rinse, perhaps?
“…used to rise out your box.”
Oh my gosh, Blair, is Harrison boycotting naps too? I’m sorry for you but it makes me feel a tiny bit better because we are going through a no-nap phase right now and I am about to lose my mind.
And yes- there are a lot of douchebag kids out there, which means there a lot of douchebag parents out there too because it takes one to raise one.
Amen sista!
Also, what is it about 5 month olds that they no longer “DO” naps. All the freakin baby book said that he would be in a routine now and be sleeping for two hours at a time. Those authors should be sued for false advertising.
AMEN SISTA!!! If I could choose one acheivement as a mother it would be that my sons not grow up to be douchebags. Yep, I would be one happy mama if that wer ethe case. I’ll admit, my 3 year old can TOTALLY be a douchebag– totally, but at least I correct him, reprimand him, or insist on an apology.
you crack me up and i am sooo glad Harrison will be a gentleman..
I can only hope that if I have kids someday (or at least for my newborn nephew) that they will not grow up to be douchebags! Being polite and kind to others reaps so many more rewards in life than being negative!
My oldest is 7 and I would always smile politely and say thank you when other adults would comment on his manners. I mean, it seemed so silly for someone to compliment me on them, I kind of figured it was common to teach kids manners. Please, Thank You, May I…it's all just…standard. Or not. As he's gotten older I realize that there are a lot of douchebag little kids out there.
I'm doing my best to make sure my kids aren't among them and good for you for doing the same!!
hysterical! when that happens to me (even without child) I want to grab the little snot nosed kids by their ears and drag them back to the door for a do over.
I couldn't agree with you more. When I worked in retail, I saw a 5 year old boy have a fit because his mom wouldn't let him have a candy bar. After multiple times of the mom saying no, the 5 year old boy raised him arms and smacked his overly preggo mom in the belly I might add, I went around to him and told this little boy off. What made me even more upset was after the boy hit his mom, she didn't even react. And I mean it was a hard smack. Then even after I told the boy don't ever hit your momma or your new baby brother or sister, the mom caved in and gave that douchebag a stinkin' candy bar.
As a part time employee at a movie theater, I am constantly calling 12 year old dbags under my breath!! I would extend the title to their equally douchey parents, but they’re never around.
Being a new Mom, it's amazing to me how many people refuse to hold the door for me and my BIG red stroller! Especially since I am ALWAYS holding the door for people, even when I'm pushing the stroller!
100% agree. Thank you. I have told my 7 month old son countless times, “by God, you will have manners if it’s the last thing I do.”
First, 100% agree. I hate the yuppie-hippie parents that say "we reason with our child and let him make his own decisions and choices". Yeah, your child is 3. And there's a reason the parents set the rules.
Second, as my 9 year old cousin so scathingly informed me with the biggest eye roll ever seen "They're not Wheelies, they're called HEELIES." Yah, that's when I knew I was not as young or as cool as I previously thought…
Amen sista! Trust me, I work in a school and every day I think I say "Ugh! My child will never…"
So true! I feel so strongly about this as well! Just be sure to model the behavior and language you'd like to see Harrison use, and he will pick it right up! My 17 mo. old daughter says please "peas" and thank you "take you" all the time. I love it!
Thank you for continuing to be an excellent mom. Your kid's teacher will thank you for it someday. I know I would of he was my student. And thank you for commenting on the degradation of society I see every day.
DITTO! My daughter Aidan eats every meal with us at the table, and even though she is only 12 months old, we are trying to establish good habits NOW, as opposed to having to correct constant douchery.
She went through a “no sleep” period too, where everytime we tried to put her down, nap, bedtime, whatever – she fought and fought. We had to do a modified Ferberize (not quite cry-it-out, but sorta along the same lines) – but we just tried to be consistent and now she sleeps GREAT! So again – establishing good habits has made our lives easier!!
Good luck with everything – I stumbed across your blog last week and read every single entry this weekend. You are partly my inspiration for my own blog (linked above) – so thank you!!!
Good for you, Blair. I am glad that there will be one less tiny douchebag running about in this world! Kids these days have no manners. *shakes fist*
AWESOME post! I couldn't agree with you more!! So many parents fail to teach their kids manners these days and it drives me NUTSO!!!!
somehow, I think with both parents working (usually) these days, some parents kind of let the kids be manner-less …
Is it because the parents probably are
1) tired after work to try & teach some manners after having to teach homework etc etc.. or
2) guilty in some ways for spending less time, so they are more lenient??
3) or they have lesser kids now, so each one gets to be king/queen ?
anyway here's to all the parents who install good values, manners in their kids
This post made me think of that South Park episode where they bring in Caesar Milan (the Dog Whisperer) to train Cartman. Lol. "Shhssst! Shhssst! Ignore da child! Dominate him!"
I can't stand parents who let there children behave like apes.
Amen to that sister.
There are way too many d-bag kiddos in this world (in my family included) and thank goodness my husbands side is very well mannered (not saying mine *isn't*, but….) because our child will have respect for others & manners.
I really enjoy what you write here, very fresh and smart. One issue though, I'm running Firefox on Linux and some of your layout pieces are a little off. I know it's not a common setup, but it's still something to keep an eye on. Just giving you a heads up.
haha love the title of this post, you are brilliant!
As soon as this title popped up in my reader I died…so funny…and even funnier that you had to explain to your mom. Mine actually uses the term sometimes…as in, "That guy was a douche bag". It kills me every time.
While I think asking for a woman's hand in marriage is really sexist and outdated (It implies a girl BELONGS to her father), I definitely agree with everything else. When a child is rude in public and the parents do nothing, it is all I can do not to berate them then and there. Perhaps I should get in the habit of doing just that. Some things are natural "kids will be kids" things (staring at me in restaurants, for instance), but running around or actually running into other people is unforgivable (of the parents).