M. Stew had no idea what her poms could symbolize.
When I was a mere 14 years old, still biting my lip over being an entire foot taller than the majority of my peers, my English teacher requested that we write an essay about “love” as a nod to the impending February 14th.
What is true love?
Pretty abstract for a group of high school freshman that view ”true love” to awkward fumbling in a backseat, right? I was stumped. I had never kissed a boy, or held hands in a dark movie theater. I had never slow-danced. Or found a note tucked into my locker between classes. & the more I thought about the subject, the more I despaired over being the only 14-year-old in the entire universe that had not locked lips. (obviously, my flair for the dramatic has come honestly by decades of careful practice.) I believe I tapped out something self-righteously angry about how love could not be boxed in, could not be defined, & how this was pretty much the worst essay, like, EVER.
I got my first C- on that paper.
Fast forward 12 years again to the topic of love. With a little more maturity, I can attempt to define love – my husband, who kisses the back of my neck every night before we fall asleep. My son, who has my smile. My friends that brought me pink slippers & bottles of liquor when I lost my first baby. My dog, curling up at my feet every night in loyal companionship. Snow & chocolate chip cookies. My Moby wrap, the Twilight saga, perfectly ironed table linens, & the smell of Christmas. & today, despite every single one of the things listed above (minus the Christmas smell since it is January, after all), the greatest definition & example of love are these:
Tissue paper pom-poms.
Over a month ago, I came up with the brilliant idea of throwing The Momma (aka my mother) a birthday brunch at the end of January. I’m pretty good at telling The Momma how much I love her, but actions speak louder than words. So despite the fact that I have an infant son & returned to my full-time office job only three weeks ago, I saddled up the troops & forged ahead. Ten of her closest girlfriends at my house, celebrating a woman we love. & although she insisted that I throw a few eggs & a pre-made coffee cake on a plate, I wanted to really do this right. (let’s be clear that I am NOT Martha Stewart!) I struggle mightily to take thoughts into action, but I felt determined to whip every piece of linen, tissue, & Southern Charm I owned to exemplify this amazing woman. Decorations, food, & friends to reflect her own beauty, class, & grace. Invitations were mailed on linen paper, with every single invite RSVP’ing in the positive. A miracle! I spent every free waking moment (& trust me, I don’t have many of those!) making & fluffing poms, polishing silver, washing crystal until it sparkled. All with a joyful heart, knowing it was for a woman I love.
& then the unthinkable happened:
No, really. It’s unthinkable. We live in North Carolina, where the chances of snow are about as good as some Americans believing Jenny McCarthy was a credible medical resource (oh…wait. zing). So despite the forecast, I plugged on without rest, dipping truffles & strawberries, ironing pink tablecloths, & gluing butterflies to every surface imaginable. While every other North Carolinian raided the bread & milk isles, I swiped my debit card for champagne, french bread, & brie. & when I woke up Saturday morning to multiple inches of snow with more pounding down, I sat at the dining room table & wanted to cry. A little bit in mourning of the missed sleep for my own hard work, but mostly because I had been dreaming of this day for a month, when I could show my mother just how much I love her. It may have been pink tissue paper to everyone else, but to me, those tissues represented years of IOU “thank you’s” & “I love you’s.” With a heavy heart, I called each guest to cancel & reschedule. (thankfully, they can all attend the new date!)
Because for the first time in my life, I truly understand that kind of love. A love that is unconditional, unrelenting, & soul-consuming. The sacrifices, selflessness, & loyalty that comes with being a mother. I know that The Momma spent her entire life showing & teaching me how to love that deeply — did I ever truly appreciate it? Or did it take becoming a mother myself to fully understand the extent of her heart?
Momma, I get it now. & I cannot wait to show you for the rest of my life that I finally understand. Even if it’s through fluffing tissue-paper at midnight on a Friday.
Filed under: I share DNA with these folks, Life in General, Suzie Homemaker, Things I didn't understand until I birthed a child, Things that aren't perfect despite my best efforts
So well said and so true. I view the things my mother did and said so differently now. I don't think I ever appreciated her enough until I became a mother myself.
Isn't it the best kind of love?
Definitely worth the fluffing tissue-paper at midnight on a Friday to show it off =)
after this, i need a different kind of tissue paper.
i love my mommy, too.
Aww. And now I'm all teary.
Isn't it crazy that the older you get, the more you appreciate everything your mom did for you, even if you hated her for it at the time? There are still things I don't understand, but as I get closer to having children of my own, I become a lot more understanding, forgiving, & appreciative.
You're a great mom & I know your mom is so proud of you.
xo
Ok now you've made me cry at work!! So glad everyone can attend the alternate day/time.
you are good at making me cry, woman!
but seriously – i get it…
it's crazy to grow up, eh?
Blair, that was beautiful. I definitely choked up thinking about my own mommy.
Awww, what a great daughter you are! And yes, I think it takes becoming a mother yourself to fully understand the scope of what our own mothers feel for us.
*sniff* I so know what you mean. And the hard part about having a boy is that I worry he will never quite get it.
Also… Heres to the great state of North Carolina. Oh how I miss it. and can not WAIT to return.
Lovely blog. Lovely decorations and what a fabulously Southern and charming idea. I may have to steal it one day!
Very well said.
My Momma is my best friend, and I love her dearly. I truly understand how she can drop everything and come to me when I need her, because I would do the same for Keevia, no matter what. I wanted a daughter so desperately so that I could have a relationship with her like my Mom and I do. Thank you for writing this! It was beautiful.
The ending to this bog made me tear up because I know exactly what you mean
Couldn't agree with you more. I love my momma, too…but it took me growing up, graduating college, getting married, and having my own children to realize the many different aspects of love I have for her and how I don't ever think I can truly tell her or show her my love and appreciation. I just hope that one day my kids feel that way about me!
I love your tissue paper pom poms "Blair". How do you make them?
I'm sitting in bed reading this and crying! I can't imagine a day without talking to my mom and telling her I love her! Now I want to throw her a brunch!
http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/article/pom-...
there's the tutorial! super-easy
That stinks about the party! I'm in TN and I too was shocked by the snow.
I made those MS poms for my son's first birthday. It was a Dr. Suess theme and I made them and attached a trunk and "grass" base and turned them into truffula trees from "The Lorax". I bet she never would have thought they would be a tree!
I have seen some crappy posts but this one really impresses me. Good work!
i'm tearing up reading this as well, but for a whole different reason. as you were preparing for your mom's brunch, my husband's mom was dying of brain cancer.
sadly, we lost her on friday morning, and i'm so sad that my husband doesn't get to see her delight in watching the grandson she wanted so badly for six years grow up. i'm angry at that, but thankful that the disease that wouldn't give her the respect she deserved is over with.
hug your mommas, ladies…and make a few extra tissue paper pom-poms for 'em.
I love this! I told my mom about a week after Jacob was born that I would be kind of sad if he decided to not have kids one day, because he would never truly understand how much I loved him until he had a baby of his own. So true! I appreciate my mama SO much more now!
Those are very beautiful flowers. We have the snow storms that pretty frequently wreck our plans here in PA. It always makes you feel like crying. I'm so sorry your party was rescheduled after all that work.
It is amazing to be on the other end of that mother-child relationship now that I have a daughter. It's so wonderful to know that I was loved as much as I love this little girl.
Damn you for making me tear up! That sucks that you had to cancel… I know you were SO looking forward to it and praying for the weather to cooperate. Obviously, the "wintry mix" had other ideas. However, I am sure the reschedule will be awesome.
Oh, and feel free to send any left over brie to me.
Thats one darling baby you hold in your hands. Is he crying for the cold on the year's end !
I hate when people of non-SN children judge Jenny McCarthy – you have no idea what she's been through – absolutely none. As a fellow ASD mommy, I applaud her and thanks to her information, my child is doing much better. Lay off! You don't know what you're talking about.
Jenny McCarthy is an idiot and so is anyone who believes her nonsense – this means you, Jana.
I do not diminish her pain & I understand her need for answers. & I am sorry for yours. Jenny McCarthy is acting as a mother in her search for answers, but she is also a complete fool.
But anyone that takes medical advice from a college drop-out that stripped naked for America & then made a career belching on MTV is certifiably delusional.
As is anyone who still believes her claims, after both Wakefield and all major medical journals (including the Lancet) retracted & discredited the completely falsified research & accusations.
It is fine to question medicine. It is fine to question vaccines & choose the best route for your family. It is not fine to create uneducated, unnecessary mass hysteria based upon medical fraud.