2010 February | Heir to Blair

Weekend recap.

28 Feb posted by heirtoblair

Nate & I have had a lot of talks about how to help me & in return, our entire family, especially on the weekends. Setting up a routine, getting out, not leaving me alone with Harrison, & getting in some ol’ fashioned endorphin-inducing exercise top the list. In the past, Nate takes Harrison on Saturday mornings for a quick ride & some breakfast to “trick” Harrison into his weekday routine & to also give me a little space to clean or sleep in. This morning, I saddled up with my boys & we took a trip to our new local Dunkin’ Donuts.

Harrison slept through the entire breakfast, but Nate & I each enjoyed a very tasty donut. When I was little, we used to go to Dunkin’ Donuts in the mall & two older my brothers & I always had “our” donuts – maple for the oldest, blueberry for the middle, & strawberry for me. You know those stores, places, or smells that hold so many memories? Mine are strawberry donuts. & every time I eat one, I have to call/text my brothers just to tell them that I love them. & to rub it in their faces that I’m eating a donut & they’re not (sibling rivalry NEVER dies).

After some pretty standard Sunday stuff, like paying bills, laundry, & letting Harrison nap, I decided to take the advice of my good pal Nish over at The Outdoor Wife & get outside. (Nish & I are high school buddies & I may grace y’all with pictures of us in Vegas or prom…eventually. If you haven’t read Nish, get your hiney over there for some incredible pictures of the great Northwest, plus some fantastic tips on being outside with young ones) Sunshine, exercise, time with my family. Just what the doctor ordered:

& yes, I’m totally wearing a Guinness hat. I adore dark beer.

They built this incredible park just a mile or so up the road from our house when the town purchased an old farm. It has MILES of walking paths, an outdoor amphitheater, & some really cool old barns. This summer they’ll be hosting a free outdoor concert series, so we’re hoping to attend a few.

It seemed like a great place to have a fall wedding, or maybe even a fall birthday party The barns, the fire-pits, the picnic tables! Unfortunately, it was a wee bit more windy & chilly than we first thought, so we ended up calling it a day after an hour when Harrison started fussing. But it felt SO GOOD to be outside & for the first time in a long time, I felt at peace with my family & self. I think those meds are finally starting to kick in!

Did you do anything cool this weekend? Any suggestions for things to do on weekends to get us out of the house? The park was fun, but it can’t be every weekend & it really is necessary for me to get out of the house with either Nate, The Momma, or friends.

44 Comments
Filed Under: Harry in General, Life in General, Postpartum Depression

Judging the cover.

26 Feb posted by heirtoblair

I think the hardest thing for me is looking at this picture & knowing that from the outside, it is perfection. I know that’s why so many people in my life were shocked at the PPD diagnosis when it “seemed” that everything was flowing perfectly. A beautiful baby. A loving mother.

Who is absolutely quaking to the core of her being, knowing success means she faced the day & that little boy. But she’s trying. Really, really trying.

48 Comments
Filed Under: Postpartum Depression, the uphill battle

Happy Birthday.

23 Feb posted by heirtoblair

After two months of preparation, we finally celebrated The Momma’s party on a sunny day with no snow to thwart travel! Her girlfriends came from all over & we had a fantastic morning celebrating one hell of a woman. After my announcement to the family on Friday regarding my current mental health, The Momma quickly offered to cancel the brunch. I refused since everything was already planned, purchased, & most of it was cooked & frozen. She & Nate were instrumental in pulling this off, which made me a little sad as I wanted to absolutely treat her to everything without needing her help. But that’s what Momma’s are for, no?

The hostess. Somehow looking like I know what I’m doing. I only wish I had two months to devote to preparing every single day. Then maybe I’d be able to function. ha.

Unfortunately, each one of my tables only seats 6 & with 8 guests, that was a no-go. So I sat four at one, four at another, & piled both tables into the living room. & since the tables were all lined up in the living room, our dining room acted as a temporary sitting room to welcome guests.

The Menu
Mushroom & Sausage Mini-Quiche
Stuffed French Toast
Cheddar & Dill Scones
Fruit salad
Coffee, tea, water, orange juice

Oreo truffles as favors for guests to take home. But until then…mmmm…chocolate dipped strawberries & lemon & thyme olive oil cakes, compliments of The Pioneer Woman (all recipes to come on Best Bites when I get a moment). Champagne for the cranberry & champagne toast to come, given by her college roommate.

“To my friend, who exemplifies my favorite F-words.” ::insert wide-eyed shock from The Momma in her Southern glory:: “Friends, family, faith, & forever. I love you.” Not a dry eye in the house as we raised our glasses.

41 Comments
Filed Under: Life in General, Suzie Homemaker

& now I have to remind myself to eat.

22 Feb posted by heirtoblair

I need to start this McFatty Monday off on a different note. First, THANK YOU for all of your support. Your emails, your comments, Tweets, everything. Right now, life is pretty crazy (ha!) & I may not be able to respond to them all, but I do read them, appreciate them, & soak it in. Second, I don’t know how much I will be writing for awhile. I may write every day; it may be a week between when you hear from me. I simply don’t know. I’m keeping up McFatty Mondays as it has become a wonderful support for so many outside of myself, but aside from that…I just don’t know. & I may get a few of my blogging friends to run McFatty for me for a little bit. I hope you understand. Right now, I am not in a place where I can really write past sharing simple photos or anecdotes. & honestly, a public breakdown is not my style. I am hoping that eventually I will feel strong enough to share what is happening right now.

Like a segway smooth as a punch in the stomach, onto the McFattiness. These days, I have to remind myself to eat but I am still truckin’ along. Look! An entire “block” of weight – GONE.

picture 7 & now I have to remind myself to eat.

I’m almost 20 lbs down & only 0.8 away from my pre-pregnancy weight. I cannot believe that I can actually say that – I have lost over 18 lbs. I have NEVER been able to say that before.

What are you most proud of with this journey? Is there anything you’ve done that you have never accomplished before, or been able to say?

53 Comments
Filed Under: McFatty Monday, the uphill battle

First step.

19 Feb posted by heirtoblair

I have PPD.

Post partum depression.

I literally feel like my chest is closing in on me, reading those words.

I suspected it for awhile, but the official diagnosis came this past Wednesday morning after a sob-filled, hyperventilating discussion with my OB. I just kept sliding downhill. & as much as I knew it was a possibility & as much of an advocate as I am for getting help, I’ve been terrified to admit it or face it. I just kept thinking it was all circumstantial & would get better. First it was the screaming. It will get better when that stops. It will get better when I get used to work. It will get better when I’m off birth control. It will get better when my period stops.

But it just keeps getting worse. Until I began feeling like my entire life was shutting down at a speed that I cannot keep up with.

To be honest – this is an incredibly hard post to write. I want to assure you that I never have & never will hurt Harrison. I am getting help in both therapy & medication now, but I am ashamed to say that it took me four months to realize that the thoughts & feelings I have are not normal. I am afraid. Nate is scared, but being strong. & my family is worried but offering incredible support – I am lucky to have them. But I am grasping to the hope that there me be a light in front of me…eventually. The simple admission is already making me shake as I type, but it would be an injustice to myself & anyone else suffering to keep this quite.

Because the term “suffering” from postpartum depression has never felt more accurate.

149 Comments
Filed Under: Postpartum Depression, the downward spiral, the uphill battle