Ladies & gentlemen, I introduce you to one of my best blog buddies ever, the girl who brought you the sweetness & insanity of Harper’s Happenings. I’m mildly convinced that Mandy & I were seperated from birth & I’m working on a commitment contract to betroth Harrison to her absolutely gorgeous, doe-eyed Harper.
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thinking of something to write on someone elses blog? it’s hard. i mean, possibly a few of you read mine, but probably not many, so what the hell do i have to add to a blog that, to say the least, already fucking rules it?
the truth is: nothing. nothing good anyways. but blair is my girl, possibly even my long lost internetsister, so i oblige. i just hope she doesn’t hate me/remove me from her friends list/stop following me on twitter when people email her all “really? you chose to go with that? interesting.”
which brings me to this. you know what’s crazy about blogging? anyone can do it. you know whats crazy about mommy blogging? anyone who pushes a kid out of their vanjingo or has one removed from their stomach can do it.and you know what mommy blogging leads to? JUDGING.
for example, you (and may i add here that i’m using ‘you’ hypothetically) may choose to saunter over to my blog because blair says so. so you go over, browse around, think, “oh yeah this chick is pretty cool. her baby is cute and she looks like she at least wears deodorant a few days a week. i could get behind this”. hit the ‘older posts’ a few times and then read something about the fact that my kid drank formula. or i let her watch t.v. sometimes. or i didn’t co-sleep. or i had and epidural. and for shits sake, i didn’t cuddle up to my own placenta still attached to my baby for 2 weeks until it shriveled up and smelled like a egg salad sandwich covered in cat farts.*
if someone found any of those things offensive (omg, she hates her baby), they probably wouldn’t stick around long enough to find out or look back on WHY i do those things or how some of them weren’t my choice (um, except for the lotus birth thing, that was never an idea that tickled my fancy. sorry birth-class teacher). did you know that sometimes, tits just don’t work? like, you can pump them until the cows (that’d be me in this scenario) come home and still, weeks later you are still dry as the Serengeti? equally as important to note, did you know that epidurals fucking rule? especially when pitocin (or what i loving refer to as ‘devil juice’) joins the party. also, some babies want their space, damnit, and that does not include sleeping between you and your husband, no matter how bad you want to snuggle that freshly baked little nugget.
i see so many rude comments on blogs when i’m out and about on my daily rounds of the interweb. moms putting other moms down for their parenting choices. i mean, unless someone is pulling a brittney spears in the car, seeing how many magnets their kid can swallow or otherwise legitimately putting a child in danger, can we not lay off them for lesser offenses such as *gasp* introducing solids at 5 months? just saying.
when you’re pregnant, it’s like information overload. what diapers do i use, do i go natural or get the drugs, how much sushi is too much sushi, and for the love of god what are round ligaments and WHY DO THEY HURT SO FUCKING BAD? everywhere you turn (and it’s usually some stranger in the target checkout) you get advice and horror stories and you don’t know which way to go because everyone knows the best way. except? that is or was their best way. would i love to try a natural birth next time? yes. would i like to breastfeed that baby with a milk supply that could drown a minihorse? shit yeah. and i’d like to sleep with said baby in the crook of my arm every night for 2 years, too. but if all that doesn’t work out (again) do i need 980 thousand mommy bloggers silently judging me for it? hail no.
the best part? my baby (ok she’s kind of a toddler. i’m still dealing with that) loves me and is healthy and happy. and your baby will love you and be healthy and happy, too. as long as you do what is best for you and that baby. and that doesn’t mean what every other person who’s birthed a child says is best. let’s be real : those of us who had epidurals and those of us who felt the ring of fire with no meds can probably agree that dermaplast is the best thing ever invented and should be made in much bigger cans that it is, can we not? we’re all in this together ladies. can we please rally around each other for the common good of raising human beings? and for the love of johnny depp, can blogger please remove the anonymous commenting option?
* i’m not judging people who choose lotus births! i legitimately spoke to a person who had a lotus birth and said it smelled exactly like what you’d imagine - a 2 week old placenta. no hate mail please.
