Good morning! Please grab a cup of coffee, put down your email, & welcome to our second installment of Guest Blog Week, brought to you by Morgan of The818. I had the fantastic opportunity to experience pregnancy on a bi-coastal level with Morgan. (her absolutely perfect little girl, Dee, was born a mere 6 days before Harrison) & I know y’all will love her as much as I do, if you don’t already religiously follow The818 like me. She’s gorgeous. Hilarious. With wedding pictures to swoon over (no seriously, go look at the page on her site dedicated to them). & she takes pictures of herself breastfeeding for the interwebs.
So basically, one of the best Mommy-bloggers out there.
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Well, Hello Heir-To-Blair-Ites. I must say I’m feeling a bit nervous…like I’m the ill-mannered Valley Girl about to get grass stains on Blair’s freshly cleaned Southern carpets… But hell, she invited me, so I should just kick my filthy chuck taylors up on her coffee table and make myself comfy, right?
When Blair told me my guest blogging stint would be a free-for-all (read: no assigned topic) my mind instantly started to sizzle with possibility. My immediate reaction was to seize the opportunity to talk smack about all of the people in my life who I can’t talk smack about on my own blog because they read it…But I thought that might be in poor taste and Blair’s a classy gal.
So instead I’m going to talk about when my vagina became a war zone. Enjoy.
My daughter was about twenty minutes old. The euphoria of childbirth was starting to wear off – along with my epidural – and the reality of having had a small human stroll out of my nether regions was starting to set in. I remember the exact moment that I became aware that there were two people still elbow deep in my uterus. I was trying to listen to the nurses taking Dee’s measurements across the room when I heard my OB say “And this is what I call the ‘HUSBAND STITCH”. I snapped to attention. It wasn’t lost on the Doc. I’m pretty sure she winked at me. (See, the thing about teaching hospitals is, the Attending physicians are always doing that pesky teaching thing which means they’re narrating their every move. Trust me when I tell you that listening to someone describe in graphic detail the repairs they’re making to the extensive damage to your vagina that you DID NOT SEE COMING, AND REALLY WISH SOMEONE HAD WARNED YOU ABOUT is pretty much the last thing on earth you would ever want to do.) Anyway – there I was, 20 minutes post-delivery, still spread eagle in the delivery room with Doctor FrankenGyn, the resident on duty, and a couple of L&D nurses holding a quilting circle at my cervix, and I couldn’t help but think to myself how nonchalant these ladies were being about the whole thing. I mean I knew there would be stitches, but HELLO? THAT’S MY VAGINA YOU’VE BEEN DEMONSTRATING THE CROSS STITCH ON FOR THE LAST TWENTY MINUTES.
Note to Doctor: I really don’t appreciate flippancy when it comes to the state of my lady business. When I ask you if it’s really bad? I could do without the chuckle and the jokes about vaginal rejuvenation, THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
People are always giving you the same mundane advice when it comes to childbirth. “Breath deeply.” “Give the nurses chocolate.” But no one ever warns you about the important stuff. Like that while childbirth is totally natural and beautiful and all of those things? That doesn’t mean your va-jay-jay is getting out unscathed. And that adorable bouncing baby you just birthed? Isn’t the only one who’s coming home in diapers.
OMG! Thanks for bringing back the memories. It's been 17 years for me but you made it seem like yesterday
One of the reasons I was not upset that my child was cut from my belly. The recovery was murder for me but my ladyland was saved, and for that I thank God. haha
haha – Blair knows all about pads and diapers thanks to her MIL.
My husband asked for the "husband stitch". Luckily for him, I was still in the throes of "Holy CRAP, I just had a baby." Otherwise he'd still be recovering from the throat punch I would've delivered.
THANK YOU!!
This is THE #1 worry for me right now. I am really struggling with the decision to either go natural or plan a C. I'm usually a logical spreadsheet type girl, so of course I'm doing tons of research about recovery. So far I'm at a loss. Any stories about the true recovery process for each would be so appreciated. It seems the bad parts are either sugarcoated or biased. Facts and figures are easy, but real stories are hard to come by. Any suggested resources??
for me, the best part was delivering the placenta. It was like finally scratching an itch that has been bugging your for 10 years. glorious!
On that note, DH was walking by the foot of the bed on the way back from checking out the new babe and got a up-close-and-personal view of it coming out! Needless to say it's a detail of the birth we don't talk about
DH mistakenly did that to me too. He said it would take a while to get that image out of his mind! And I wasn't even one of those ladies who decided to take a mirror to my vadge to see how things were healing. I was too afraid. I can't even imagine what was going through his head!
My doctor held it up and was demonstrating all of its fine qualities when my husband looked back. We have definitely laughed about that. I was unable to get an epidural as I got to the hospital at 10 cm so I was not very modest and unfortunately the placenta was not the worst view he got during childbirth.
Angel, I can tell you anything you wanna know about c-sections. And I WILL NOT sugar coat, so don't ask if you don't wanna know!
LOVE this post!
It wasn't until several weeks after I posted on FB the immediately-post-birth pics of me holding my son that I realized in the background of the photo you can just barely see me still spread eagle with the doc down there stitching away (they were taken over my should by hubby). I was mostly oblivious to what she was doing thank God, but it did take a while. I never did check it out with a mirror in the weeks postpartum but she did a magnificent job.
Although I will seriously dread the recovery period, I'm guessing I will also go for a CS. But as they say, you never know what your L&D's gonna be like.
@heirtoblair: wooowww….
@angel: thebump.com has such stories on its site (in case you haven't checked there already)
Ouch. That's all I have to say. I had a c-section with J but it was torture. Epidural wore off midway through but that sounds like nothing compared to this crap!
And speaking of crap…. how about doing THAT post birth?? That was the first time I realized it was possible to involuntarily moan…. and not in a good way.
You had me laughing, literally, at the last comment about both coming home in diapers. You paint the picture with words so well! ::kees kees::
Yikes…I'm SO grateful for a smooth delivery with no tears! I can't imagine the pain!
Yay, my 2 favorite blogs, together on one page! This made my morning
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And the stitching was the worst part of the entire delivery cause the epi was wearing off at that point. Cue the Chris Farley voice in Tommy Boy saying "OH.MY.GOD."
a blog i read religiously featuring a blog i read religiously? ::dead::
love the post. my lady bits are cowering in the defense position reading it, totally have 'Nam flashbacks, but great post.
::tries to find dermaplast::
Two of my favorite bloggers in the same place. To quote Blair, "Swoon!"
Seriously, though. My OB was trying to do small talk with me while stitching me up (I had a 2nd degree tear) after my natural child birth. "Excuse me doc, but my hubby and I are trying to land on a name for our little peanut.." (Yep, we changed out minds as soon as Abigail was born. Madeline didn't fit her anymore.)
My favorite part about this post was the last line about not knowing that your daughter wouldn't be the only one coming home in diapers! It's like I knew about all the pads in various degrees as the nurse who ran our birthing class decided to show them all off…WITH OUR PARTNERS THERE (blushes in embarrassment)…but it's a whole other story to be experiencing yourself.
ha totally true, I remember looking across the room at the bassinette trying to pay attention but since my epi had failed I couldn't handle to burning sensation as she stitched EVERY single one of those babies, but I was trying to smile the whole time because my crazy mother was taking pictures of me (thankfully waist up) from across the room! And of course you have to try and look "pretty" for the pictures after you've just gone through hell and back duh!
I on the otherhand welcomed the student nurses, simply because I was them at one point and I know the importance of learning… I was so thankful for the women that allowed me into their delivery rooms so I vowed at graduation that I would let ANY and ALL student nurses come to screening of HL's birth with a front row seat. It was like a page across the hospital intercom, HEEEY students we've got a taker!! lol The looks on their faces are priceless, they've only seen pictures in textbooks until that point
And we all know that the real deal is super sexy and all!
One of the students placed my catheter and I literally talked her through the entire thing… it was quite comical and excruciatingly painful (again thanks to my POS epi!!)
I had my baby a week ago, so I am completely commiserating with this. It's a good thing they start stitching when they put the baby on you, or I would have vomited just knowing what was going on. Luckily, my epi was still working. Where is the take-home epidural to help with the constant burning and throbbing that come from those suckers?! Oh, and throw in a UTI for gloriously fun time. Not that it isn't all worth it, but damn. OW!
Great guest blog!
This is too funny!! I remember not even caring as they stitched me up – somehow my epi had kicked back in (after failing to work in a much needed time) and I felt total relief it was over.
And you're right – you did keep it classy.
Good Lord…this makes me want to keep the baby in my ute foreva!! I am hoping that the epi works well and I am too overcome with euphoria to notice any stitching going on…but for some reason I doubt it. Thanks for the heads up! Oh and great post, I will now be a regular visitor to the 818.
::thanks the gods for the unexpected emergency c-section::
Morgan rocks!!! and little Dee is so darling!! I dont know how Morgan does it, but she always has me totally LOLing with every.single. post!! Not many people can make "Husband Stitch" funny. Actually, I think only Morgan can!! Hilarious!!!
OMG, I just got a really good laugh at that blog. Good ole childbirthing memories!!!
I just had a flashback to 19 months ago after the birth of my daughter. The DR. stitching me up had a eager intern looking over her shoulder. As she was stitching me up the intern exclaimed in what I like to call her 'outside' voice
"OMG THE TEAR IS GETTING BIGGER!!!" This is where I told her that she could stop talking.
Thanks Morgan! I always love a good labor battle story.
Jebus. Now I'm really scared. If the epi wears off (if it even works in the first place) before they finish the stitches I'm pretty sure I'll kick a bvtch. Seriously. The babe is out, why can't they give some morphine in the iv to help with this?
Two seconds after I hit "submit" I thought. "Oh yeah, breastfeeding." Crap.
I was so thrown by the "Uterus Massage" that I failed to notice any stitching going on, thank God. Also, the hot OB came back in to check on me before he went home (he had been with me through two shifts and was off right before I had Turtle), and he stayed to hold my hand, so that makes my painful memories a little more warm and fuzzy…
(I never realized what an obsessive compulsive "after-the-fact" editor I am until I handed over a post to a blog which I have no keys for. My fingers are itching to tweak and there's nothing I can do about it!!! GAH!)
Anyway…I was so scared to blog for y'all. I mean, this is BLAIR territory, and that is an intimidating thing. So thank you, B-Dogg, and your warm-fuzzy readers for making me feel so welcome here!
you are awesome
I cannot smoochie you enough in thanks!!