Well. That will teach me to not write about being a working mom at the very end of a long Friday, when I’m tired & like every other American, watching the clock tick down until 5pm! Obviously, I had no clue that a simple schedule could cause such an uproar, but such is life on the interwebs.
and p.s. before we begin, for those that accuse me of not spending time with him – my child is napping. You know, because babies do that. In theory.
I have to be honest – I went back & re-read it. Again. & again. & I must have intended it in a different tone than the one that came across, because I still do not see the “OH MY GOD! ORDER ME A CROSS NOW BECAUSE NOBODY HAS IT WORSE! CROWN OF THORNS, SPONGE OF VINEGAR FOR ONE!” I wrote about the sensory overload that comes with being a mother (really? you’ve never felt that?). Or sometimes, just plain human. You know those times when your coworker is filing her nails for the umpteenth time that week & you have visions of whacking her over the head with the emery board? Or when you realize that the kid in the cubicle next to you types way too fast & hard – no really, dude. The keyboard doesn’t need that abuse! Or your kid is crying for Barney for the 18th time that day? Or your cleaning up the seventh spilled juice cup that week & if you have to hear the hum of your carpet steamer one more time, you might commit yourself. That kind of sensory overload that comes at the end of a long week. & you know those weeks that you have where you just want to crawl into sweatpants with a plate of cookies? It was one of those weeks.
(like someone tweeted, it was probably a baaaad decision to lose weight & go back to work simultaneously since comfort food & massive glasses of wine are now out of the equation!)
There are days I feel like SuperMom. Where I sit back, smile, & say “Awesome.” My kid is smiling, my husband still adores me, I’m losing weight, earning a paycheck, & my house hasn’t burned to the ground yet. & I feel like putting on a princess tutu & dancing around saying, “TAKE THAT, DOUBT! SUCK ON IT, PRESSURE!” I should make it a point to write about that, & I will. & maybe I’ll write it in pink! Because for all of those bad moments, there are some really, really amazing benefits to working. & if I can do it, you can do it. The sad part is, those feelings usually come after an extremely productive day, also creating an evening where I’m flopping into bed at 9pm without even finishing dinner.
I strongly agree with everyone that told me to simmer the hell down. I’m working on it. & keep reminding me, mmkay? You know those really obnoxious Type-A competitive perfectionist types that drive everyone crazy? Yeah. I’m one of them. So despite what it may sound like, it’s not that I see myself as a martyr. I simply see my life as a constant work-in-progress that could be better. I just need to realize that it can’t happen in two weeks. Or even 3 months. But along with some of the comments & emails I’ve received, I’m glad I posted it – I did not sugar-coat our life. The few weeks back to work are hell. It’s a new schedule, new priorities, new people, new challenges.
However, there are several upsides. Which include a house that really doesn’t get that dirty during the week. So Nate & I found this morning that we could clean it in an hour (the laundry, on the other hand! yipes!) I am, however, checking into a maid service for even that little bit. Folks have been telling me that for weeks & I’ve decided to stop being a stubborn ass. Thankfully, working outside the home has split the childcare & household duties even more fairly between Nate & I, so I am thankful for that. & I am working on a Guest Blogging Week to give me a wee break, which includes some REALLY awesome writers, thoughts, & hilarious tales. Reminder to self: Write about sex. & the high school cheerleading reunion. Not together, of course.
In closing, something that needs to be said:
I have always left comments open without censorship. I do not censor myself on here – as a returned favor for your patience through my rantings, I do not censor your comments.
Even when they suck. 95% of the time, comments are uplifting, insightful, & full of advice or encouragement. Sometimes they are even a much-needed swift kick in the ass. But occasionally (as you have witnessed), people can be cruel. Really. So some of those comments will be deleted. Not because they are insulting to me, but because they insult other women, races, & my child. I can stand for criticism. I do not abide by cruelty & ignorance. I try not to reply to all comments, simply because I could potentially spend my entire blogging existence responding & defending. I am pretty good at letting things roll off my shoulders, which includes laughing at what strangers on the internet say to me. You simply cannot be an open, honest blogger & allow those comments to get to you. If you do, then the words typed become censored. & censoring myself has never been a strong point (admittedly along with handling change & saying “no” to a bag of Doritos).
Sometimes, it is hard to chuckle when someone makes it their point to tell you that you’re a horrible, unworthy mother. You know, when I already have those feelings bouncing around with “I CAN DO THIS!” and “HELL NO, I CAN’T.” My child screamed at me for weeks. I cried about it & complained about it. OH MY GOD, I just wanted some respite. Any kind of respite. Work! & then I realized what that respite involved – being away from my son. OH MY GOD, I don’t want that. Gotta love life’s crossroads mixed with postpartum hormones, no? & right when we found the fix to where I could truly soak him in, I returned to work, waving goodbye to that sweet blonde head for 9 hours a day, 5 days per week.
But as always, I’m a work in progress. & so is life.
Good for you girl. DO NOT apologize. I think that all that you do and described below you pretty much sound like superwoman. Eff the haters.
Does SmyrnaGirl mean Smyrna, TN? Cause that's where I'm from too….
Gah, just when I leave a comment on the last post!
I'll just repeat the highlights. I think you're doing a great job. I totally hear you about the sensory overload. By the end of the day, my skin starts to crawl every time my oldest whines "Want to play with the blocks…..play with the blocks…..PLAY. WITH. THE. BLOCKS!" and my middle pulls my pants down for the 100th time because she will not be physically separated from me and my youngest squeals her pig squeal scream because, holy hell, I put her down because I had to pee.
I get a lot of "You're an idiot who has no idea what you're doing and you don't deserve kids" comments on my blog. I challenge them to come to my house and spend a day with a 2.5yr old, a 1.5yr old and a 7mo old – 15hrs a day alone, 5-6 days a week with no sleep because my middle DD isn't so big on the sleep thing (and I have an appointment with Dr. Ferber…THE Dr. Ferber).
At some point, you snap. And, you can either write it down and get it off your chest or smack the next person you see. I vote for writing. Because the smacking thing could land you in trouble.
Keep up the positive attitude, it sounds to me like you have conquered motherhood, marriage, work, and life. I was telling my husband your schedule last night and we are both in awe of everything you do. I love that you don't let those comments get you down. Anyone that would take your post and make you seem like a failure in any way needs to pull their head out of the A$$ and get off their high horse. We can't all live in Leave-it-to-Beaver-land where everything is sunshine and roses everyday.
Hey, I feel ya. Motherhood/Working/Life/Marriage/Etc do not come wrapped in a pretty bow. It took me at least a year to be happy with the life I'd made for me and my daughter…I imagine it will take about the same for my son now too. Not sure whether it was because I'd mastered something or I'd just become accustomed to what my new lifed entailed. I do appreciate your blogging honesty – who gives a crap if people don't agree – life would be pretty damn boring if we all did.
I don't think you need to apologize. You write about your life…the awesome times and the incredibly horrible times. How anyone can fault you for not being perfect 100% of the time us beyond me. Aren't we all just trying to do the best we can with the circumstances we are given and the time we have?
You gave a great husband and an adorable baby. Most people would agree…job well done
I just wanted to say I didn't even get why people got all crazy about your post. What you are doing is really hard. My little guy is 3 months on the 26th, and the thought of having to leave him for work breaks my heart. I am lucky that right now I am able to stay home, but that is not going to last (alla college loans).
I just think it is important to know that us stay-at-home first-time Mommas feel really overwhelmed, too. I don't have to leave my household and baby everyday, but I do feel like a conquering hero if I have a warm dinner ready for my husband and a load in the wash. I find myself struggling to keep things clean with the constant demands of our little reflux dude. I totally identify with your constant "inner chatter," because I am constantly beating myself up, too, for not getting more done– and more done better. No matter where you spend your day, when there is a baby in the mix, it is a little bit of madness. But it's a madness of love, and a madness that will just increase when there's more babies in the mix!
Your blog is honest and smart. Don't be bothered by the bitterness of others.
I think you are right on with your feelings and your right to express them on your own blog. I have really enjoyed you sharing your experience and I think it mirrors what I will feel as I start back to work on Monday. And if I did not agree or like what you were saying, I would never think to tell you that you are wrong. No two mothers are the same just like no two situations are the same. We are both blessed. We are ALL blessed in different ways. Keep it up
Blair, I pph you. There will always be a SAHM vs Working Mom debate but its hard being a mom any which way you put it.
Now please help me convince my hubs that Merry Maids isn't a waste of money!
You are most definitely human and I think it is accurate to say that every working mom has felt this way at some point.
Heck, I STILL do and I've been doing this for 9 years now!
I've found that, as my children get older, it is harder to be a working mom. You see, now I have to shuffle them around to extracirricular activities and we have homework to do as well as the household things.
By the time Friday gets here, my brain is fried and I just want to drink a big ol' glass of wine after the kids are asleep.
There seriously needs to be more time in the day.
It seems to me that you've manged to pick up a handful of haters. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing that they've upset you. That's their intention. It's obvious by everything they write AND the fact that they are too chicken shit to leave anyway to reach back and tweak them in return. Also from reading those posts…I honestly think it is one person who pretends to be multiple people or a couple of friends with nothing better to do than cruise the 'net looking for someone to harass. Lucky you…they picked you.
Ignore them. You're a good mom, good wife , doing the best you can with what ya got. Being a first time mom is hard, balancing it all with work and taking care of your responsibilities at home is tough. It will come together. There'll be really, really good weeks and really, really sucky weeks. But you know that. You have a right to vent in whatever way you deem necessary on YOUR blog. If they don't like it…F 'em
Have a great weekend. Get some rest. Have some sex. Actually lots of sex. Play with your son. To hell with haters.
Blair- I have a baby on the way, and I still get you, what you are talking about is human emotion. I know I will get you a lot better when I am dealing with what you are currently going through. I love your blog. You give good honest insight. I don't always agree with what you say, but I respect it. It is honest. And I love you for it.
So after reading this, I'm remember a passage I marked in breaking dawn…from Bella (and I write this b/c I know you are a Twilight fan)…
"It was sort of the pattern to my life-I'd never been strong enough to deal with the things outside my control, to attack the enemies or outrun them. To avoid the pain. Always human and weak, the only thing I'd ever been able to do was keep going. Endure. Survive….I would endure this until help came."
Sometimes as a new mom I feel like this. Sometimes when my high school alternative students are testing my everlasting will, I feel like this. But I keep on keeping on b/c that's what you do…after a long cry of course. Because it's got to get better. And then there are those precious moments, when the 3 of you are doing bath time and your LO is splashing away, with a big grin, and you look at your partner and know it's all worth it. It will get better.
I love you Blair, I love everyone of your complaining, venting, bitching, praising, hilarious, sweet, earnest, honest post.
That is all.
P.S In my head , I'm your token black friend with alot of attitude that will bite of anyone's head that attempts to be nasty to you. I got ya back
( I dare someone to go in on me for using the phrase " token black friend" it's a joke ppl)
Blair, I completely admire you. I work 20 hours a week, which breaks down to 2 days. I could not do what you're doing, it breaks my heart to be gone that long. I have the best of both worlds though…I love my job, I'm financially contributing, but 5 days a week I stay at home. But even with that, the first 2 months back, I cried every day I went to work. Then I stopped crying. Now, I like it. It takes a while, but you are doing what's best for YOUR family and that is the best gift you can give your son.
There are tons of "mommy and me" workout DVDs. When he gets bigger and wants more time with you, those are a great workout for you both. But right now, he's probably getting a little too much love & affection being with his grandparents all day, and needs some time to play alone! Babies have to do that, so they can grow up into secure adults. I think you are doing a fantastic job.
PS, my daughter is absolutely beautiful and really, really smart. And in 25 or so years, I think Harrison and her could make some gorgeous grandkids, after we got some magazine-worthy wedding photos. Just a thought
I just read through all of the comments from the previous post and…how much time did you spend defending yourself to internet strangers? This isn't intended to be a snarky comment, but for a person who is complaining about not having enough time – you certainly spent an enormous amount of time writing and responding to faceless comments.
My tip: turn off the computer. I blog, too, and since my son was born five months ago, my writing has seriously taken a backseat to motherhood. It has to. Trust me, all of us will continue to exist even if your blog doesn't.
And please, please, please do not ever assume that SAHMs have it easier than working moms. As other readers highlighted, you complained a lot while you were at home. You are complaining a lot now that you are back to work. The grass is always greener, eh? Seriously, look at what you can do to make your life better now – with all its flaws and challenges – so you can feel happier and more in control.
I've been following this blog for a while, and I feel quite confident in assuming that Blair does NOT think her readers will cease to exist if she stops writing.
(Though, I'd certainly be a bit disappointed!)
If she enjoys blogging, if it provides a bit of much needed "me" time – I'm all for it. I can't imagine how difficult it must for a mother to go to work and leave her child behind, but I know that sometimes you have to make time for "me" activities (even if doing so leaves you frazzled or makes you complain) or you might just lose it!
Blair: keep it up!
I didn't realize people freaked out on you over that post. Wow. I'll just say – I have been lucky enough to not have to return to work w/ my 2.5 month old boy (not yet, anyway). Money is tight, we have all kinds of struggles and have made huge sacrifices so I can do that… that's our choice and it works for us. I don't envy what it must take to gear up to return to work. Being a SAHM is hard, but I love it. I dont' begrudge ANYONE the choice to work or not – I hope it gets easier for you – and I didn't sense any "martyr" tone in your post at all. Just the authentic struggle of the reality of being a modern woman who is trying to make it all work. Good for you. And good luck.
I did not take ANYTHING you said in your last blog as bad!! Instead, I just read a complete recap of my life, EVERY DAY. Unfortunately, there aren't enough hours in the day, and that's the reality for most of us.
I assure you it will get easier, though I can't say it'll be perfect! But a month will make a world of difference!!
You horrible MOTHER! How dare you even think to go to work and earn money so you can support a child! What the hell?!
I'm sorry everything is getting rough. I am a SAHM and at the moment have a screaming baby calling for me…motherly instincts be damned! Who cares how others feel. All that matters is how your family handles it. Just remember you ARE NOT Captain Save-A-Hoe!
classy. well-handled
Let me start by saying, I'm not a mom, so I don't really have any mom-like perspective. I still read and very much enjoy your blog.
You have no reason to apologize. I didn't find the first post offensive or whiny. It felt like you were being brutally honest about your life, and I applaud you for that.
I just posted pictures of my fat self on my blog in an attempt to keep myself accountable. Did it drive away some of my blog readers? I'm sure it did and it probably offended a few people in the mean time. I won't apologize, though. I'm writing it for me, not for them. They are just along for the ride.
I cannot stand it when I come across a blog where the mom is cheerful 100% of the time. It's not realistic. Keep writing the way you do and keep being the Blair that we love. Oh, and have a latte.
You are doing your best to make lemonade out of lemons. And for those negative commenters on your blog…I can guarantee they too have had their moments of feeling overwhelmed and a little out of control. Maybe yearning for one thing because you know you can't have it right now. (ie: being a SAHM) If they say they haven't they are nothing more than boldface liars. It happens to EVERY ONE of us.
Being a Mommy…SAH or working is HARD. Children don't come with instructions. Some of us aren't lucky enough to have parents to help give advice, answer questions and comfort our fears and worries. By the time you have a second child, if you decide that is what you want for your family, you may have it all figured out. Then again you might not. Millions of other folks out there are going through the same things.
Hell, I don't have it all figured out and I AM a SAHM of 1 with another one on the way. My husband works 14.5 hours a day counting his commute and it makes it hard for us to make sure our boy has Daddy time too. We have to cram everything into our weekends, grocery shopping, errands, laundry, dog to the vet, post office runs, car maintenance…and it royally blows. But until something better comes along…and we are trying to make that happen…it is what we have to deal with. I lay in bad at night, unable to turn off my mind with thoughts of what I needs to be done in the coming days and telling myself not to forget anything. Someone wants to call me a bad mother…go right ahead. It's probably coming from a spiteful busybody who has nothing better to do that make ASSumptions based on words typed on a computer screen. At the end of the day…when you shut this thing off and go snuggle that beautiful boy of yours, none of them matter.
Sorry for the long comment, but it really pisses me off when people assume they know anything about you because of what you choose to blog about. Who gives a rats ass if you made up every word of it? it's YOUR blog and a free country. Besides…if people were reading because they needed to know every intimate detail of your personal life…then they are just flipping creepy!
People are asshole. I think you're awesome.
Blair, don't let anyone get you down! You sound like you're doing an awesome job at balancing everything. It may seem insane now, but you're only 10 days into it. It will get easier.
I cannot imagine having to go back to work. My fiance and I were just talking about that last night. It's hard being a SAHM, but it would be 10x harder for me to go back to work.
To all the haters, it's real easy to sit behind a computer and judge other people, isn't it? It's the fvcking internet people! Don't get so butt hurt over what Blair says in HER OWN blog.
I could not read all the comments on the previous post. I just want to say that I wasnt bothered at all by your post. I think that people handle things differently and trying to make things us vs them as many of the commentors did just doesnt work. I am a SAHM to 20 month old twins and like it most of the time, my neighbor works PT and doesnt have to, but needs to in order to be a better mom because she finds it difficult to parent 24/7 and working allows her to re-charge. I understand her and dont judge. I also understand that you are going through a big adjustment and are naturally anxious about it.
Blair- keep up the good work! You're doing a great job as a mommy and working woman!!! Those are 2 of the hardest things when put together and you're doing it! I'll be doing it in the summer or whenever i go back to work….after my layoff…..anyway, keep it up! You are superwoman and you're willing to share it with the internet for all of us! You are doing it and it's working.
I'm sorry some people are so blind or so rude. Keep letting it roll!!! 
Kitty (your Southern friend) 
Here's the thing: what we as mothers experience on a day to day basis is common. It's mundane. It's everyday. What makes the experience extraordinary is that it is YOURS.
I work from home so I can relate to both sides of the mommy wars, but who cares what I think! This blog is Blair's story and she's calling it as she sees it.
Well said!
Really? You're surprised people were upset when you said it's harder to be a working mom? REALLY? And I thought you were intelligent. If anyone said something about the benefits of bm over formula you'd be all over them, but hell, it's fine to say that stay at home moms have it easy. Every person and every situation is different. For some people in some jobs, it's easier to work. Other people with other jobs find it easier to stay at home. It's incredibly ignorant to make a huge blanket statement like you did.
She didn't say SAHMs have it easy, she said easIER. It was her opinion. After she had a taste of both, she came to a conclusion. Her life, her conclusion, her opinion. Everyone is entitled to one. She expressed hers on her own blog. So while you could say you disagree with her opinion, you cannot logically say her opinion is wrong. Since she's the only one who can have HER opinion, how can it be wrong? And here I thought you were intelligent
I felt like I was reading my own life in your last post. I just started back this week. It's hella hard. What I find makes me feel better? Talking to grown, funcional adults who love their parents and were in child care as a child. It's important your kid's life is filled with people who love him, not just you. You're doing your kid a favor. You will get through it… I have to believe it because I have to believe I will, too.
Blair, be sure to let us "bad mothers" know when you do have it figured out. I know I'd like to know what to do to love my child more.
Seriously though, continue to blog. It's time for you (which, let's face it, even super-mom needs a break from life every now and then). Continue to snuggle with Nate. It will keep your marriage strong. Exercise and eat well. When you feel better about yourself, you feel better about everything around you.
I've met some "bad mothers," and I promise you, that was not determined by the fact that they blogged, spent time with their hubs, or exercised.
Just count this time as a time for growth. We'll get it figured out, and I bet it's just in time for the second, or third kiddo to come along, and then we'll have to figure it all out again.
Thanks for being you, Blair.
Love your blog, your honesty and your humor.
Holy Mother of God…I remember when you were always a tri board ahead of me on The Bump with Harpie, then behind me with Harpie Jr…This thing has BLOWN UP!!! Congrats on the blog!
Always remember this is YOUR blog, YOUR life, YOUR opinions, this is your place to vent and let it all out. We are just spectators and if we don't like we can write our own damn blog!
Thinking puppy dogs and rainbows for you,
Crazycurls
I am really surprised by all of the negative comments in that post. I read your post and thought, wow – this sounds a lot like my day. Up around 5-5:30, not home until 6pm, in bed by 9-9:30. I would LOVE to have more time with my son, but my job and commute don't allow for it. However, I think the benefits of me working outweigh the bad.
I love your blog and I don't think you complain too much. I saw the schedule post for what it was – a working mom's schedule.
Believe me, my dear, I sympathize! It gets a little easier, but I still have my days (I've been back to work for almost 4 months). The good thing now is that my son sits in his high chair while we eat dinner so we can both eat at the same time. DH plays with him while I cook, then I play with him while DH cleans the kitchen. We both participate in the bedtime routine.
agreed. You handled the trolls with a lot of class. Just out of curiosity, I know I checked back a few times last night, How many hits did you have? Im sure that doesn't hurt you at all.
I read your post from yesterday and I am TERRIFIED to go back to work in 2 weeks! I was on bedrest for 13 weeks and Jaden is now 6 weeks old. People will think that I am just awful to say this, but I am ready to go back to work. Yes I know it will be hard, yes I know it will be heartbreaking to leave my little guy at this amazing Christian day school we are paying out the nose to send him to, but DANG it will be nice to get a shower in before 2pm during the week! My house is a disaster now and, as a sweet southern woman yourself, you know what a blow to my self esteem that is. It sucks to admit that I CANNOT DO IT ALL! I am looking into a cleaner as we speak, because I would rather spend my hard-earned money on that then be stressed out because the bookshelves/baseboards/tv/HOUSE IN GENERAL are dusty and gross. Plus, Jaden needs some quality time with his momma and doesn't need her worrying about sweeping the kitchen floor while she snuggles him.
BRAVO for your last post. The last 6 weeks have been the hardest of my LIFE. I am constantly tired, hungry, and on edge. The Shred is not helping. How will I fit all this in? I am happy to know I"m not the only one dealing with it.
And FYI: I read your post yesterday, loaded Jaden in the car, and booked it to the library to pick up "Babyproofing Your Marriage." Thanks for the tip. I am still clinging to the hope that this will all get better.
"People will think that I am just awful to say this, but I am ready to go back to work."
Frankly, I think *most* mothers have wished this – if only fleetingly – at one point or another. My mom stayed home with me and my brother, and we are all glad she did – but she mentioned (when we grew up) that there were times when she wished she had gone back to work, even if only on a part-time basis. Admitting that you need to get a little time out of the house is FAR from bad – it's healthy!
Another commenter mentioned that the "grass is always greener" – I guess that's true, huh?
Blogging is a great vent. That's why I started. Difference is no one reads mine. lol. Some people dont get that. Do/write whatever it is that makes you and your family happy and anyone who doesn't like it can go eff themselves.
oh blair. i'm sorry all this fiasco came about over a stupid post. but you know what? this is YOUR blog. it's YOUR thoughts, and YOUR emotions. and you are kind enough to keep it public for everyone to read about your adventures of being a working mom, etc, etc. you do NOT need to defend yourself, explain yourself, or even look back on anything. you do what YOU want, and if people don't like it, they can piss off.
I have always found your posts to be inspiring. Especially now, when I'm +/- 8 days from giving birth to my own first – and a mere 12 weeks away from becoming a working mom!
I need your insight to guide me through!!
You know I'm with you.
While I don't agree with Kim (I know you don't blog for "us", you blog for your sanity and because you have a gift with words) I do think she's right when she says you don't have to defend yourself.
Just let the haters hate. Lay it all out there, as you have in the past, and let people feel what they feel. That's what any art is, right?
Blair, the reason I keep coming back to your blog is because I appreciate your witty, honest take on life. Getting back into a routine after so long of being without one is hard, not to mention adding new things to the mix like a kid, dieting, etc. I too am a perfectionist and hate to feel like I'm failing at anything. Take it one day at a time and soon you'll get used to the new normal. You can do it!
don't you know you're not supposed to complain about anything ever, not even on your own blog? and as for the cleaning thing…learn my simple solution in this post: http://alabastercow.blogspot.com/2010/01/child-la…
don't say i never gave you anything…
Going to step out of the shadows because I totally respect and applaud the way you choose to be a wife and parent. I have been reading your blog for a year now (religiously) and have found myself cheering you on and sharing in your frustrations and sorrows. Our babes were born only days apart but I am lucky enough to be home for the first year with my daughter (Canadian). Just want you to know there are women out there who read your blog for not just entertainment but for inspiration. Kudos to you.
I can't believe people would go off on your post the way they did. You're honest, and people need to deal. Why they feel the urge to be cruel is beyond me.
Blair~ Honestly, I don't feel like you should have defended your last post. Everyone lives in their own reality and this is yours, this is why you blog!
I read it more as a PSA of the life of a working mom, not a negative Nancy post, complaining about what it's like to be spread thin.
I blog as well and I'm always afraid of what others will think. I have to constantly remind myself that blogging is MY outlet and MY respite. If people want to judge, so be it. Judging others is what we humans do best.
I think you're doing a fantastic job as a mom and as a blog author. I love your posts. Keep it up.
I totally understand where you are coming from. My daughter is a month older than your son and I am going through the exact same feelings as you. I completely empathize with the part about going back to work just when you feel like you're starting to get the whole mommy thing down. That's why I love your blog-because you're honest and say the things that other mothers are too scared to say out loud. I always look forward to reading it and knowing that there is someone else out there going through the same things as me. Ignore the haters-you're awesome!
Blair,
I had no idea that such a shit storm erupted after your post yesterday. I thought it was poignant and I felt the same way when I returned to work. It was not offensive in any way.
It's up to you to decide to keep blogging, but consider this random factoid from a random reader. I have never kept up with ANY other blog, ever until I read yours. Not a "mommy" blog or a political one, nothing. And, since you have added the ads, I have clicked on a few and I even bought something from a site. So, chica, if blogging releases tension for you and makes you a little bit of cash, more power to you. It also happens that what you write obviously resounds with a large group of women and my day at work would be just a little less exciting without my Heir to Blair posting check!
I did read though all the shit comments from yesterday and all I can say is: f**k them if they can't take a joke.
Good for you, Blair. I don't think my comment yesterday was the least disrespectful, and I know I wasn't cruel, but I should have been more considerate of the fact that you are completely stressed and overwhelmed, and I probably interpreted things incorrectly.
Keep on writing…it is obviously therapeutic for you, and enjoyed by many.
oh, and DEFINTELY get a cleaning lady….
I blogged about this too a couple of months ago too. http://twincubator.blogspot.com/2009/10/mommy-war… (stupid firefox won't make this clicky) It is hard and you are obviously doing a great job. I read your post that upset people. I don't see that it is offensive and I do not even agree with your position. But I think that it was obviously what you feel and I don't see how it diminished or put down the way that other people live/feel or whatever. You can not make people happy all of the time.
The first weeks back are nuts, aren't they? I've been back to work nearly 6 months and I'm finally able to admit that most days are good.
I obviously didn't read the comments on the previous post, but were you actually accused of not spending enough time with your son? Jeez. I have a similar schedule to yours and found some comfort (okay – vindication) in this: http://blogs.wsj.com/juggle/2010/01/20/quality-vs…
So you basically realized you were an ass and then in your Mea Culpa you compare yourself to Jesus?
You really are a classic narcissist aren't you?
I think your reading comprehension skills are lacking.
At the risk of sounding like an echo:
This is your blog, your life, your opinions…
Ignore the haters!
I've been following you since I googled "mucus plug", stumbled upon your blog and realized you were due the same weekend I was. I instantly dubbed you my belly e-buddy always checking to make sure you didn't have your baby before me {cause I was due 2 days earlier than you} and I've been hooked ever since
Keep on writting!
Don't ever feel like you have to apologize. As others have mentioned, this is your blog. And you are more than entitled to vent. Being a mom is hard – it doesn't matter if you're a WOHM or a SAHM. The bottom line is that there are never enough hours in the day and there is always guilt. No matter what. Keep on keeping on!
I thought it was a great post, for what it's worth. I feel the exact same way about my life as a working mom – it's overwhelming sometimes. You're not alone, of that you can be sure
I have to say I'm a little jealous that you are able to do as much as you do. Pre-baby I was a manager working my way up the ladder, the bread winner. In order to stay home part time I had to give up my position that I had worked so hard for and basically go back to doing grunt work. Now, when I'm home with my baby I miss work, when I'm at work I miss the baby. It's a constant struggle, but it's what is best for our family right now. I'm sure you are doing what's best for your family, and no one should fault you for that.
Blair I did not see anything wrong with your other post. It is your blog, if you want to vent, vent away. I hope things get easier for you.
Amen sister!!!
Blair,
I had "difficult" child. He didn't sleep through the night until he started school. When I had to leave the to work and they asked why this was my answer "so I can love you more when I come home." My boys are in high school. I worked until 4 years ago. I know the house, the boys and the husband routine. I know where you are coming from. I like that you can be so honest and say what many never would.
*sings* Rewind Barney for the 18th time, Breakfast six, naps at nine… THEEEEEERES bubble gum in the babies hair, sweet potatoes in my lazy chair… been crazy all day long and it's only monday MR. Mom.."
What.. no one else knows that song? *sigh*
I'm a nerd, I know.
There is nothing wrong with your life- it sounds just like my working buddys'.
I am lucky enough to be staying home right now (or unlucky enough to not have a job) and I don't compare my life to hers in any way.
Everyone does it their own way, and having long days scheduled does not mean your child is neglected. All of the love and patience you had while working out his problems the first months of his life gave you extra credit.
I just went back and re-read the OP and all the comments. Holy Cow.
People and their reading comprehension (or lack thereof) amaze me!
Now that you have a complete Hate Club going does that mean you've moved up the Blogger Ladder?
I didn't read the negative stuff and I'm kind of glad I didn't. I completely get where you are coming from and reading your blog helps me feel normal. That's a big deal when in completely uncharted territory.
Hmmm. And I used the word completely way too many times in that last comment.
Blair, I just wanted to let you know that I have lived on both sides of the fence (SAHM and WOHM) and neither one is easy. Hell, just having a child turned my life upside down. I just wanted to let you know that I support you, and you should write about whatever you damn well please. The good, bad, and ugly…let it all out. I, and most of your readers, are not judging you. Motherhood is wonderful and horrible at the same time…I really lost my sense of self and my sanity when I became a mom. It does get better though, so keep your chin up!
Looking forward to many more of your very true and very funny posts!
I don't know about your job, but at my job, I kept a smile on my face all day. In order to get along with people, get through meetings, make the boss happy, etc I was pleasant. Then I would come home and have the option of bitching the ENTIRE evening to my husband about that stupid bitch at work who thinks she knows everything OR telling him a story (trying to make it funny) so that we have a happy night. Again, I usually chose to be happy. So that left my blog as my main outlet.
Basically, when you write, it will probably be a lot of frustration and complaining right now! Duh you're a mom to a young baby who just went back to work after 3 months of a screaming child. I'd be frustrated on the fact that right before you went back to work was when you got his meds/food problem fixed.
Maybe starting a diet/exercise routine wasn't the easiest route, but you could've ignored it and possibly gained some weight from comfort food.
I'm 6 months pregnant and already sick of everyone telling me what to do. I also know it gets worse once the baby is here. No matter what you do, you'll have your supporters and your haters. Whatever you do, PLEASE don't feel the urge to ever censor what you say or blog about a topic that may be less happy. If you need to spend the entire first year making your blog 90% frustration outlet… please do. I would hope that most readers would have the ability to disagree without being assholes. Something THEIR mommies obviously didn't teach them.
I meant to say
PLEASE don’t feel the urge to ever censor what you say or blog about a topic that may be more happy just because the last 3 weren't.
I read your blog on google reader so I had no idea about the negative comments on the first post until this post. I can relate, though. I have a baby a little older than Harrison, and I have never felt more criticized in my life. Random strangers will criticize me in public. Old people criticize me at church. The in-laws drop subtle and not-so-subtle criticism. Why it is apparently acceptable to say rude things to mothers that we would never say to anyone else is beyond me.
So I wanted to say that I appreciate your blog, and I appreciate hearing about the good and bad. I really enjoy reading it.
I've done it both ways, I stayed home for 6 months and I've been back at work for nearly 6 months. In all honesty, both have their positives and both can suck in unimaginable ways. I don't understand this deep need that women have to rip one another to shreds. We all have struggles and do the best we can to make it through. I think the least we can do is understand a vent for what it is and after constructive criticism. Lord knows this being a mom business is hard enough and full of personal second guessing, stranger second guessing is uncalled for.
My advice is to take it one day, one minute at a time. There are still days I want to curl up in a ball from how hard it is to juggle life. Those days are dwindling, however. Hang in there!
Seriously… it's a freaking BLOG. I don't get why people even bitch. If you don't like a post, skip over it and look for something you DO like or stop reading it and get over it. Blog-elitists are so annoying.
Obviously, with your myriad readers and the amount of positive feedback you get (over negative feedback), you're doing just fine.
I'm pretty sure that if I were balancing all that you are, I'd freak the f*ck out and rip out all my body hair. Yes, what you are experiencing is LIFE and MOTHERHOOD and everything you signed up for. But people sign up for school, and it stresses them out, and that's not nearly as life altering as being a mom to a newborn and someone who has JUST gone back to work. What's great is that a blog allows you to express these feelings to your family and friends (and sometimes to psycho ass-hats who need an excuse to get on the internet and be buttheads). I LIKE that you're honest about your feelings here. If you were 100% positive happy smiles and constantly in control of everything I wouldn't believe a word you were saying. I feel there is a nice balance of happy moments and trials in your blog… but that's just me.
I hope things get easier for you as the time goes by… you've always seemed like a very resilient lady, so I'm sure you'll be just fine.
~~*AmericanTribal*~~
Keep up the good work, girl. You'll find the right balance, and meanwhile your honest thoughts help those of us who are, or will soon be, in your shoes feel understood. People have way too much time on their hands and too much insecurity about their own choices. There's no other explanation for all the ranting.
I'm kind of shocked that people took your honest post and turned it around negatively. I thought it was a very open and appreciated, as an expecting mother, seeing what life may be like as a working mom. I am impressed that you do as much as you do and would, frankly, be surprised if any working mom didnt feel frazzled and overwhelmed at times. It actually makes me feel a little better that I don't have to be perfect and happy all the time and that it will be okay if I have my moments of "oh my god how am i going to do it all?"
Keep writing what you write and doing what you do!
Probably the one thing that I most enjoy about your blog is the honesty you have with your posts (closely followed by your sense of humor!). Ignore those haters and don't let them slow you down. While I don't have any babes yet, you've really helped me face some of my "what-if" fears of motherhood and helped me realize this whole other side of being a momma that no one talks about. Thank you so much for being a voice to that and sharing your life with all your readers! You're doing an amazing job and don't let anyone put doubt into your heart!
Good for you being able to thwart the haters. I personally could never do it, cuz I have no patience for ignorance and useless aggressive comments. I stopped reading internet comments on any site because it gets so out of hand. Even newspaper websites have outrageously embarassing comments that inevitably turn racist or hateful toward someone. People have some sort of false bravado when it's anonymous on the internet. I like to think they would NEVER say those things to someone in real life, but sadly I bet some would.
It must have been bad for you to respond to it, so chalk mine up to some positive feedback. Some people don't understand typed tone and they probably have limited or no empathy face-to-face either.
Keep doing what you do. I'm 13 weeks and SO appreciate reading real stuff that sounds like a friend and not some if the sugar coated stuff out there.
ROCK ON!
Just curious – What does Nate do? Is there a way to downsize your lifestyle so you can stay home?
Could you drive less expensive cars? Change cell phone plans? Anything?
Wow, you miss a couple of days getting to read the blog and all hell breaks loose! Where did these people come from? At any rate, I heart you for writing what you wrote post before last. I just finished my second week back at work and it was the epitomy of what you wrote. I was so glad to know that I wasn't the only one who felt that way. In fact I dragged my husband over to the computer to read it so he could understand why I've been such a nutjob haha.
I am also currently looking for a housecleaner. Everyone has told me it takes quite a load off. Here's to hoping this next week is better!
Just poppin my head into the comment section for THE FIRST TIME EVER
to reiterate what I said in my e-mail. You are a real life hero. Whoever left the nasty comments are just a bunch of a-holes who are jealous that they can't keep it real too.
first time comment. love this blog. people can be ignorant. great job!
wheel & come again??! (I hope you get that…sometimes I forget what is a Jamaican versus universal saying) I have to head right over to that post because I didn't read anything for anyone to get nasty about. Keep doing you hon!
Delurking here, too.
I stumbled across your blog a while ago and have been addicted ever since.
Anyway–um, where's GWB now? He seems to have shut up for now.
And, Adair–seriously? THAT is what you got out of the post? That Blair has a Messiah complex? Wow.
Keep up the good work, Blair!!
I didn't find your post controversial at all. I feel the same way, I would LOVE to quit the rat race and stay home with the babe. I find it exhausting to juggle it all, and I long for my maternity leave lifestyle. It's refreshing to see others going through these issues. You seem to like schedules… maybe set a blog schedule – like updates on Tuesdays and Saturdays?
You know what, eff 'em! Eff them all! I have read your blog in it's entirety and, duh, I love it. It reads like a book a good gf wrote and I deeply appreciate it. I feel like I have a friendship with you even though it's totally one sided since you don't know me at all but I've read your whole blog. Heh heh. I don't always stalk– just on occassion, when the mood hits me. Anyway, this is a good, but completely unneccessary post as you don't need to defend yourself. It's really great, not just for you, but for others as well, that you wrote honest posts about life as a mother. That said, if ever you have a minute to squeeze from your über busy day and want to take a looksie at my blog as to balance this "friendship", my blog addy is ofpearlsandperfume.blogspot.com. It's private 'cause my in-laws are awful, awful ppl, so I need to add your blogspot email as a reader if you do choose. My email is heidimomeidi@gmail.com if you decide to take a gander!
Hope this week is better, and I'm doing the McFatty Mondays with you, so I look forward to your post about that.
Hey girl,
I didn't read the previous post until this one was already up, so I already knew not to read the comments because of this post. Life is too short for negativity, so screw 'em. The original post was a vent, which we all NEED sometimes. & I don't know how anyone could have been upset by it. This is YOUR blog, where you can tell YOUR thoughts, and no one can say SHIT about it! :]
I didn't read the comments of your last post – I'm catching up from this weekend. I thought the whole point of a blog was the vent, journal and sort thoughts out. I didn't realize it gave people the right to flog you for your opinions and thoughts. I would delete them too – you don't need that negativity in your life. Good for you for making your life "work" in your own way. You're happy, hubs is happy, baby is happy – life is good.
On the note of a maid service – do it if you can afford it. Our friends have someone come in once every two weeks to do the bigger cleaning chores. I want to do the same thing very much so.
I love reading your blog! You are a great mother who is honest about motherhood and trying to juggle a full time job. You should be proud of your self!
some people just want to be contrary and point out what they consider to be faults in others, because they are insecure with their own decisions that they've made in life. "shake the haters off."
i totally empathize with you in the world of hectic schedules & feeling like you just haven't accomplished it all, no matter what. but you know what? we'll get there…we'll all get there.
The haters are jealous of your awesomeness
You, Nate & your fam know you are a good mom & doing the best you can… that's all that matters. Not these douchebags "yelling" at how horrible you are.
Pshh on those haters
I know how you feel. I only had 6 weeks of maternity leave though and it was back to work. I only work 3 days a week (before baby also), and it still sucks being away from him when he's so young.
It will get easier for all of us- I'm sure of it
i think you are a great mom too, but you better quit the swearing before the kid can repeat you and embarass you in front of other people. I speak from experience. My daughter repeats everything.
I appreciated your post. It is hard to be superwoman. And I’m sure superman needs to vent and chill. That’s why he was Clark Kent and working at a newspaper.