Honestly, I don’t even know where to start. I feel like I am on hyper-sensory overload from the constant, never-ending buzz of…well, LIFE. Being touched by Harrison & Nate. Curlers, make-up, starched collars on my button-down. Constant office chatter & questions. Papers shuffled, computers tapping, radios going, droning voices in a meeting, the ringing of a telephone. Then home to the oven timer, jumperoo songs, dog licks, ass slaps from the husband. Bath splashing, coos, cries, lotion, rocking motion, click of the glider as it rocks, dim the lights, slurping on the bottle. Dinner, the shower, oh-my-God-pushups-hurt, sigh, snuggle, hand in the dark.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
& I pull up my blog to write it all out but OH MY GOD, that’s more tapping of the keyboard, more thoughts swirling around, & PLEASE, can’t I just have a gin martini?!
But I miss writing. I miss y’all. & y’all miss me.
I’m wrapping up my second week as a working mother. I wish I could tell you that I feel MORE in control, but I feel astoundingly more like I am drowning. I feel like we’ve set this blistering pace of life, but I don’t know how to slow it down when I need it to speed up. Speed up & add 10 hours to my day, please.
5:45am – alarm clock rings. Nate & I make out & snuggle for 15 minutes. True story. It gives us a way to reconnect & look forward to our day. It’s cheesy, romantic, & full of stinky morning breath.
6am – I wake up Harrison, feed him & start changing. Nate gets ready for work, eats breakfast, takes care of the pup.
6:20am – Nate comes in to finish with Harrison, I start getting ready.
6:35am – Nate goes to crank cars, pour coffee while I finish getting ready & hang out with Harrison, praying he doesn’t puke on me & cause a full outfit change (I’ve started wearing an apron in the morning after I get dressed).
side note that our morning routine is my favorite part of the day. Harrison is happy, the 15 minute make-out session makes Nate & I feel rosy, my make-up is fresh & pretty, & the whole world is quiet around our little family.
6:50am – Morning commute begins. Praise God for my iPod & travel coffee mug.
7:30am – we reach daycare. For now, that means The Momma & Daddy’s. I make an egg & sit down with The Momma to eat breakfast. It’s a lovely time. Rush out the door at 7:50, trying not to look my kid in the eye as I plop a kiss on his pink cheek.
8am – work begins. paperwork. phone calls. occasional lunch that includes running to my parents to feed & play with Harrison. clients. annual review. occasional meeting. client that likes to be on the phone for 45 minutes to talk about her recent knee surgery & the infection it produced.
5pm – I race out of work, pick up Harrison, & start commute home. He usually licks Sophie the entire time. I make any phone calls to friends & family that are necessary – birthdays, new jobs, or the stereotypical “hey, how’s it shakin?” Pray that there is no need to stop at grocery store, pharmacy, or pet store.
6pm – Nate & I both get home.
6-7pm – We play with Harrison, talk about our days, etc. Nate makes his dinner. I should work out during this hour. But I don’t. (I tried the other day…no, really. I got through the 30 Day Shred warm-up & realized that my kid was grinning at me from his jumperoo and OH MY GOD, those cheeks. They have not met their kiss quota for the day, so Jillian Michaels BE DAMNED, I’m picking up my kid & playing.)
7pm - Harrison’s bedtime routine begins. oatmeal, bath, bedtime bottle, bed. We’re both present for oats & bath, then Nate takes over to give him his last bottle while I make my dinner & clean-up downstairs.
7:45pm – Harrison is down. Or at the very least, in his crib with the aquarium. We eat dinner, then I write or check blog mail while Nate does his own thing. I usually can’t cram everything I need to do for the blog in these 45 minutes, which leads to even more guilt. Even more guilt due to not spending this time with Nate when we’ve barely seen each other all day one-on-one minus a few stinky kisses & butt-rubs.
8:30pm-ish – I start getting everything ready for the next day. Pack lunches, set coffee delay, diaper bag, wash bottles, throw in laundry, iron clothes, etc.
9pm – I hop in the shower. Dry my hair. Peek in on Harrison one last time & listen to him breathe.
9:30pm – in bed with a book. Sometimes it’s reading Babyproofing Your Marriage together, sometimes it’s Voyager on my own. Sometimes literary wants take a backseat to marital relations (more on that, later. someone remind me to write a post about sex, okay?)
10pm - lights out. Let my mind race through everything I did, didn’t do, forgot, reminders for tomorrow, ideas for writing. Remind myself that I need a voice recorder to remind myself of these things. Subsequently forget. Fall asleep.
Weekends are slammed of cleaning, grocery store runs, paying bills, balancing the bank account, laundry, family duties, baby showers for friends, golf tournaments for husbands, & somehow carving out time to remember WHY we married each other & WHY we had a baby. I feel like I’m constantly “on.” I work full-time. & oh yeah, I’m also a mother full-time. So I have TWO full-time jobs. Genius. But I would really, really love an “off” switch to the constant chatter in my head, mommy guilt, performance anxiety, & pressure I put on myself.
& this is where I stop writing, because this shit needs to be a series about the working mother. Where I break down the marriage of a working mother, the isolation, the Mommy Guilt, & why I think stay-at-home-mothers have it easier (gasp!). Oh, & how my 3-month old decided to stop taking a bottle from me.
Also, why I need sponsorship from Merry Maids.
Oh, and tell me that Week 3 is easier. Even if it’s a lie.
