I don’t want to write a love song for the world
I just want to write a song about a girl & a boy…
~Michael Franti & Spearhead
Dear Harrison,
Three months. Over 13 weeks. And well on our way to 100 days. Or, as Daddy pointed out today, a quarter of a year (to which Momma immediately welled up with tears because her baby cannot be that grown up already!). You are already turning into such a little gentleman & now that you are feeling better, the world is opening up in so many delightful & exciting ways. Fingers are for sucking, socks are for pulling, toys are for picking up, & Sophie is for many licks & noms in while we travel our daily commute. You coo more, in your sweet husky baby voice, & your Granddaddy received the honor of your first peals of laughter over a game of raspberries on the tummy. We are so thrilled with your sweet smile, so rare & reserved strictly for those that you love.
& Harrison, nobody loves you with such unfailing devotion as I do. Often I love you because it is instinctive, a calling to my soul & an obsession. Some days, that love feels like a choice. The days where I cannot soothe you, cannot offer your comfort & in turn, am the scapegoat to your easy despair. On those days, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, & make the decision to love you despite our clashing & frustrations. & I know that in the years to come, I will make that decision many times over as your mother – when you make a mistake, choose a path I did not dream for you, or race out into the world to find yourself outside of the man we raised.
This may not meet expectations of a love letter to my son, but it is the greatest advice I could ever impart. & the only thing that I ask, my sweet boy, is that you dedicate the same decision in your own life – to love. Decide to love, despite disappointments, frustrations, & hurt. It is the rational decision to love that makes us hurt & champion for the abused & mistreated. Love your schoolmates, even when they pick on you for having last year’s lunch box & Daddy’s big feet. Love your first sweetheart, even when she leaves your 18-year-old world shattered. & when you marry, the decision to love your wife will save that marriage many times over; it will see you through your first fight, a loss of a child, or a change in your path as a couple. If you lose a child, choose to love that baby you never met. & when you finally hold your own son, make the decision that nothing he could do will ever sway your heart from what it feels in that moment.
Love is always the right choice, Harrison. & I choose to love you always.
Love,
Momma
Harrison, 3 months.
Crying in the middle of my work day is not so much great for my professional focus. But then neither is reading blogs I guess.
Beautiful.
This. Exactly.
Agreed.
Every time, Blair. You make me cry every time you write a letter to H.
I am sobbing at my desk. This is a beautiful love letter to Harrison. What a lucky little boy he is.
crying too…beautiful.
It's amazing how you can so eloguently express the feelings and sentiments that all of us have for our children. I never read one of your letters without tearing up and shivering inside. Just beautiful.
Gosh, typing with blurry eyes = bad idea for me. Sorry for the typo.
My goodness…Harrison will have so many nice things to read when he's grown. I hope you're saving all this!
so sweet. seriously, every letter you've written to harrison has made me tear up in some form. ::wipes eyes & makes sure no one is staring at her::
Oh, Blair… I never knew I had these feelings about my own 3 month old, until you told me that I did. Such a great letter. I will copy and paste for my own son
Just kidding…maybe…
Beautiful!!
wow. seriously? I have chills. I have never commented before but am a long-time reader. You never cease to amaze me with your touching writing.
Can't believe H is already 3 months. Thanks for making my cry
You put into words what all us mamas think. I couldn't agree with you more, however, I could never type it out, or say it as wonderfully and as beautiful as you do. So, thank you. And along with everyone else, I too, am crying!
Harrison is a gorgeous baby and I'm so happy to hear he's finally feeling better.
Dammit Blair, now I'm crying. Sheesh, knock it off will ya?
Beautiful letter for a beautiful boy..
You are a fabulous writer and put into words so eloquently what all of us mothers want to say to our little ones! What a sweet letter – you made me tear up, too!
Beautiful letter, as usual! He is such a cutie!
I join those in the tearing up. (Damn Mommy hormones!) Seriously Blair, you have such a way with words. Harrison is so lucky to have you as a mommy!
As usual, beautiful. He is so adorable.
Way to run my mascara. Tears as always. The time just gets faster my friend—my baby is almost 1. and the last time I blinked she was brand new.
That last part made me cry. So sweet.
Wow!! That letter is truly beautiful!! It really moved me!! I am 8 months pregnant with my first and I know the path me and my partner are on now will not always be an easy one but i pray it will be filled with love and devotion, like you have shown in this letter!! I am so excited to be a mum and meet my little bump in person, but at the same time worried, nervous and scared!! Reading your blog has really shown me how strong women can be! X thank you x
Such a sweet letter – yours are always so sweet. I love the bit about choosing to love your marriage – I think that is something many people forget to do once the vows are said. Choose to love, choose to make it work, choose to stick it out.
<3
Your blog has made me cry the last two days!
Would it be weird to steal your monthly letters, put them in a book for my son, and act like I wrote them?
Just kidding – but really, Harrison will love reading these one day. Such meaningful and loving sweet words of wisdom!
This is the perfect love letter to your son! I'm officially crying – at work. Sincerely, Thank you.
I don't think I've ever left a comment on your blog.
Thank you for writing this today, I needed to read it after a night from hell with my nearly 10 month old. You've reminded me that despite my frustration at her inability to sleep I love her more than anything and that tops the bags I have under my eyes. No contest.
Always love your letter and I always cry. Happy 3 month birthday Harrison!
Beautiful. I can tell you are a great Mama.
NICE! He's going to be so lucky to look back on this all one day and know how you were feeling about him his whole life!
Absolutely beautiful. I'm also in tears.
Perfectly worded. You were born to be a mama.
what a touching letter to your son. I am now going through the teenage years with my one & only son…your letter was perfectly written to fit many mothers hearts.
Beautiful Blair. When I'm a mom, I want to be just like this
-sbar07 (of long ago botb)
Long time reader, first time poster here. This was a beautiful letter to Harrison. Thanks for sharing it with all of us!