I don’t want to write a love song for the world
I just want to write a song about a girl & a boy…
~Michael Franti & Spearhead

Dear Harrison,

Three months.  Over 13 weeks.  And well on our way to 100 days.  Or, as Daddy pointed out today, a quarter of a year (to which Momma immediately welled up with tears because her baby cannot be that grown up already!).    You are already turning into such a little gentleman & now that you are feeling better, the world is opening up in so many delightful & exciting ways.  Fingers are for sucking, socks are for pulling, toys are for picking up, & Sophie is for many licks & noms in while we travel our daily commute.  You coo more, in your sweet husky baby voice, & your Granddaddy received the honor of your first peals of laughter over a game of raspberries on the tummy.  We are so thrilled with your sweet smile, so rare & reserved strictly for those that you love.

& Harrison, nobody loves you with such unfailing devotion as I do.  Often I love you because it is instinctive, a calling to my soul & an obsession.  Some days, that love feels like a choice.  The days where I cannot soothe you, cannot offer your comfort & in turn, am the scapegoat to your easy despair.  On those days, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, & make the decision to love you despite our clashing & frustrations.  & I know that in the years to come, I will make that decision many times over as your mother – when you make a mistake, choose a path I did not dream for you, or race out into the world to find yourself outside of the man we raised.

This may not meet expectations of a love letter to my son, but it is the greatest advice I could ever impart.  & the only thing that I ask, my sweet boy, is that you dedicate the same decision in your own life – to love.  Decide to love, despite disappointments, frustrations, & hurt.  It is the rational decision to love that makes us hurt & champion for the abused & mistreated.  Love your schoolmates, even when they pick on you for having last year’s lunch box & Daddy’s big feet.  Love your first sweetheart, even when she leaves your 18-year-old world shattered.  & when you marry, the decision to love your wife will save that marriage many times over; it will see you through your first fight, a loss of a child, or a change in your path as a couple.  If you lose a child, choose to love that baby you never met.  & when you finally hold your own son, make the decision that nothing he could do will ever sway your heart from what it feels in that moment.

Love is always the right choice, Harrison.  & I choose to love you always.

Love,
Momma

Harrison, 3 months.