• Hi, I’m Blair.

    A sweet Southern girl. Married 4+ years to a devilishly handsome man. Harrison est. October 14, 2009. Miscarriage survivor. Reflux warrior. Battling postpartum depression. Working mom that drinks entirely too much caffeine in the morning. Over-sharing extraordinaire. Hates celery & liars. Loves chocolate chip cookies & to-do lists. "Blair" is my pen name.
  • Heir to Blair

  • Archives

  • Calendar

    December 2009
    M T W T F S S
    « Nov   Jan »
     123456
    78910111213
    14151617181920
    21222324252627
    28293031  

  • Categories

  • Postpartum Progress

  • Designed by

    My Little Buffalo

Two Months.

Posted on December 14th, 2009 by heirtoblair

The faith of knowing deep inside your heart
That Heaven holds more than just some stars
Someone’s out there watching over you
That’s the kind of day I wish for you….~Faith Hill

Dear Harrison,

As I sit here, holding you over my shoulder while you quietly snuggle in sweet baby fashion, I think about all the things I want to say to you.  All the things I need to say .  & I feel as though I’m stumbling through the emotions, stuttering in effort to express everything I always feel & never say out loud.

The boring details on how you’ve discovered your fingers as a quick replacement of a paci, & how sometimes when Daddy holds you up nose-to-nose, I can barely tell where one  ends & the other begins.

How when you smile (which is rare because you are so serious), it can make the most grey day hold a perfect moment.  You’re not the easiest baby — you cry a lot & if you’re not moving, then your world is crashing down on you.  We like to call you Our Son of Perpetual Motion.  Sometimes we cry together on those nights of endless screaming, but don’t worry  – Momma karma will rear it’s ugly head in 18 years when I whip out the naked pictures to embarrass you as a deliciously satisfying form of payback.  We  are starting to really hit our stride together & it is true that I can no longer remember life without you (& how incredibly boring I used to be without you!).

Most of the clichés hold true, Harrison.  How I never knew I could love anyone so completely from “hello.”  Yes, I’ve loved this deeply before.  I hope you see that daily between Daddy & I as you grow.  I pray you see that in the respect & love we care for our family.  But this kind of love in an instant?  With so very little in return?  It is so new to my heart that sometimes, I question how to truly define it.  & I know that I cannot define it in a way you will understand, until you hold your own son.  The last time I felt the start of love this deep was 6 years ago over a bowl of O’Charley’s potato soup & obviously, that was a completely different situation.  & unlike that love, my love for you falls best under the definition of “protection.”  I look at you now, snuggled in moose-decorated jammies under a blanket, & know that I would willingly give my life for you in any situation.  I feel this raw fire, down into the pit of my stomach, that knows I would & could do anything to keep you safe.  I would gladly take any pain that you will ever feel, just so you never know how to hurt.  I want to make this world perfect for you, just so you never know rejection, loss, or tears.

But more than anything, I wish for you to be happy.  In whatever you do, in whoever you become.  I want you to be happy.  & to always know that no matter what you do, I will always love you with the same protective, unconditional love that I felt the moment I first saw you.

I love you, Harrison.  In a way that I will never be able to fully explain but I pray you always know.

Love,
Momma

Harrison, 2 months.

Filed under: Letters to Harpie

« »

33 Responses to “Two Months.”

  1. Justina, on December 14th, 2009 at 1:17 pm Said:

    I got chills reading this!

  2. DoubleD, on December 14th, 2009 at 1:20 pm Said:

    That last picture? Breaks my heart. What an alert and beautiful little boy you have!

  3. Alexis, on December 14th, 2009 at 1:37 pm Said:

    He is getting so big and he is so handsome!!

  4. Shaye, on December 14th, 2009 at 1:47 pm Said:

    That is truly one of the most beautiful things I have ever read. You so easily put into words what I feel in my heart about my 3 year old & 3 month old. You are a wonderful writer and a beautiful mommy! Harrison is so lucky to have chosen you!

  5. Emmie Bee, on December 14th, 2009 at 2:06 pm Said:

    This is amazing. You are a fantastic writer. You very easily just explained I think what all mothers must feel for their children. I know I do.

    Thanks! <3

  6. Jeanna, on December 14th, 2009 at 2:32 pm Said:

    He's so handsome!!! I got chills, too…reading this. :)

  7. mmk, on December 14th, 2009 at 2:41 pm Said:

    Those pj's are beyond ADORABLE!!! They are too cute!!

  8. Allyson, on December 14th, 2009 at 3:09 pm Said:

    What a wonderful post! Where did you get his cute sweater outfit?

  9. The Coach's Wif, on December 14th, 2009 at 3:35 pm Said:

    He is beautiful! That blonde hair is too sweet.

  10. Shandell, on December 14th, 2009 at 3:58 pm Said:

    He's so handsome! I also want to know where you got that adorable red outfit.

  11. speed, on December 14th, 2009 at 4:08 pm Said:

    That was beautiful, Blair. And he looks so much like Nate it makes my brain hurt.
    Love you both, and am so sad I missed you this weekend.

  12. Poppy, on December 14th, 2009 at 4:17 pm Said:

    I don't comment often but I had to toay.

    Beautiful post…beautiful boy. Sincerely, he is beautiful. And so wide eyed taking in the world around him. Precious.

    Happy Holidays to you, Nate and that beautiful boy :)

  13. Poppy, on December 14th, 2009 at 4:18 pm Said:

    uh, that's suppose to be toDay.

    Damn fingers.

  14. Kathy, on December 14th, 2009 at 4:26 pm Said:

    He is adorable!

  15. Joanna, on December 14th, 2009 at 4:27 pm Said:

    <3 the red outfit! ; )

  16. elspethcordelia, on December 14th, 2009 at 5:46 pm Said:

    He's gorgeous. I bought the moose jammies for my daughter. They're just too cute. Also, she has the reindeer sweeter one-piece too. I put a clippie in her hair so people can tell she's a girl.

  17. This is the First Day of My Life » Blog Archive » Worth your 5 minutes., on December 14th, 2009 at 6:13 pm Said:

    [...] It just says it perfectly. [...]

  18. Mandy, on December 14th, 2009 at 10:23 pm Said:

    his blond hair kills me.

  19. Alison, on December 15th, 2009 at 4:08 am Said:

    He looks so much like your husband!

  20. Amy S., on December 15th, 2009 at 4:23 am Said:

    Wow! He is a little Nate! So adorable – I can't wait until April when I meet my daughter – I know I will feel the same – I just can't wait to feel that way!

  21. Kelly, on December 15th, 2009 at 4:39 am Said:

    I've never posted a comment, but after this post, I simply had to. Blair, that was the most beautiful, heartfelt letter I have EVER read. I've followed your story, and to see you with this perfect ending (but the beginning of a new journey) is absolutely breathtaking.
    Your strength, wit, and wisdom throughout your experience has given me the strength and motivation to keep trying so I can get my chance to 'fall in love at the first hello'.
    Happy Holidays to you and your family!
    **grabs the kleenex and sobs some more!!*

  22. Crystal, on December 15th, 2009 at 6:07 am Said:

    That letter brought tears to my eyes as I sit here at work. I think you just put words to everything a mother feels.

  23. Joni, on December 15th, 2009 at 8:50 am Said:

    Well now I'm crying at work. Great. What a darling little boy, he looks so grown up and alert for 2 months. Hopefully one day he realizes what a special gift you've given him by writing these letters from the heart.

  24. Jessica, on December 15th, 2009 at 9:47 am Said:

    I adore these letters. Blair, you have a way with words and you truly express what is in your heart. I sit here and cry as my tiny baby boy sleeps in the next room.

    Thank you.

  25. Sara, on December 15th, 2009 at 10:02 am Said:

    Wow, that was so sweet. Thanks for making this pregnant lady cry! I can't wait to write letters to my little one.

    Merry Christmas to you and yours!

  26. egbsmom, on December 15th, 2009 at 5:18 pm Said:

    I can't get over that gorgeous little boy! He is amazing! Congratulations! SO cute.

  27. Crista, on December 16th, 2009 at 6:41 am Said:

    Oh my gosh, he's SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!! And Two months old already? Where does the time go? Seriously. Also- what a beautiful letter!!! ::tears::
    Merry Christmas!

  28. mrs.gardner, on December 16th, 2009 at 12:32 pm Said:

    I love reading about your love for Harrison. It makes me look so forward to when I deliver my little bean. Y'all are simply a gorgeous family.

  29. Top Posts — WordPress.com, on December 16th, 2009 at 7:26 pm Said:

    [...] Two Months. The faith of knowing deep inside your heart That Heaven holds more than just some stars Someone’s out there [...] [...]

  30. Elizabeth, on December 19th, 2009 at 7:34 am Said:

    2 things: 1- That is one of the sweetest things I have ever read, and I felt you perfectly described how I feel about my daughter and 2-Your little boy is perhaps the most handsome little guy I have ever seen. He is going to be a heartbreaker for sure! :)

  31. Julielle, on December 22nd, 2009 at 11:19 am Said:

    Please please please tell me where you found that sweater romper!! I have been looking for something like that for my son (a fellow October 2009 baby) and I can't seem to find one. I must know where to get that outfit!

  32. Julielle, on December 22nd, 2009 at 12:16 pm Said:

    I can't believe I screwed up my own website….REPOST!

  33. heirtoblair, on December 22nd, 2009 at 3:37 pm Said:

    Old Navy!