2009 December 14 | Heir to Blair

14 Dec posted by heirtoblair

The faith of knowing deep inside your heart
That Heaven holds more than just some stars
Someone’s out there watching over you
That’s the kind of day I wish for you….~Faith Hill

Dear Harrison,

As I sit here, holding you over my shoulder while you quietly snuggle in sweet baby fashion, I think about all the things I want to say to you. All the things I need to say . & I feel as though I’m stumbling through the emotions, stuttering in effort to express everything I always feel & never say out loud.

The boring details on how you’ve discovered your fingers as a quick replacement of a paci, & how sometimes when Daddy holds you up nose-to-nose, I can barely tell where one ends & the other begins.

How when you smile (which is rare because you are so serious), it can make the most grey day hold a perfect moment. You’re not the easiest baby — you cry a lot & if you’re not moving, then your world is crashing down on you. We like to call you Our Son of Perpetual Motion. Sometimes we cry together on those nights of endless screaming, but don’t worry – Momma karma will rear it’s ugly head in 18 years when I whip out the naked pictures to embarrass you as a deliciously satisfying form of payback. We are starting to really hit our stride together & it is true that I can no longer remember life without you (& how incredibly boring I used to be without you!).

Most of the clichés hold true, Harrison. How I never knew I could love anyone so completely from “hello.” Yes, I’ve loved this deeply before. I hope you see that daily between Daddy & I as you grow. I pray you see that in the respect & love we care for our family. But this kind of love in an instant? With so very little in return? It is so new to my heart that sometimes, I question how to truly define it. & I know that I cannot define it in a way you will understand, until you hold your own son. The last time I felt the start of love this deep was 6 years ago over a bowl of O’Charley’s potato soup & obviously, that was a completely different situation. & unlike that love, my love for you falls best under the definition of “protection.” I look at you now, snuggled in moose-decorated jammies under a blanket, & know that I would willingly give my life for you in any situation. I feel this raw fire, down into the pit of my stomach, that knows I would & could do anything to keep you safe. I would gladly take any pain that you will ever feel, just so you never know how to hurt. I want to make this world perfect for you, just so you never know rejection, loss, or tears.

But more than anything, I wish for you to be happy. In whatever you do, in whoever you become. I want you to be happy. & to always know that no matter what you do, I will always love you with the same protective, unconditional love that I felt the moment I first saw you.

I love you, Harrison. In a way that I will never be able to fully explain but I pray you always know.

Love,
Momma

Harrison, 2 months.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

14 Dec posted by heirtoblair

Nate & I are Christmas nut jobs. We’ll just put it out there, accept our defeat, & proudly hang our stockings the moment Thanksgiving Day rolls over (because we do steadfastly respect the turkey, despite the department stores deplorable lack of self-control). We have garland. We have Baby Jesus. & over 1,000 twinkle lights on a 6-foot Fraser Fir. & while I dare not ever claim to be a) creative or b) a designer, I love how Christmas fills our home with warmth & amazing, rich smells of the tree & cinnamon. Our decor is simple at best, novice in honesty, but our home is never more beautiful when we cut out the main lights & sit by the fireplace & lit tree with Christmas carols playing in the background.

The Nester is hosting The 2009 Christmas Tour of Homes & for the first time, I have my act collected enough to participate (oh maternity leave, how I adore thee). So please, pull up next to the fireplace with a cup of cocoa & Polar Express. & enjoy Christmas at our home.

We should start our tour with Jesus, no? After all, He’s the one with the birthday in a mere 11 days & our entire reason for celebrating Christmas. Nate began purchasing my nativity our first married Christmas & I received various pieces over the past three years to complete it.

So whatever, we put Jesus on the bar. He drank wine, y’all. My Southern Baptist upbringing doesn’t necessarily approve, but I promise you, the bar is quite a place of honor in our casa.

(Which reminds me, what’s the difference between a Catholic & a Baptist in the liquor store? The Catholic says “hello.”)

Our tree, which is the main focal point. 90% of our tree is decked in Hallmark, as we get an ornament each year that “represents” the year. Here is my ornament for 2009:

You know, because I spent an entire year knocked up. It feels appropriate. & of course, the ornament Nate gave me last year on Christmas Eve, to always remember sweet Harpie.

Oh, how I cried when I opened it, wondering if I would be putting this on the tree alongside a “First Christmas” ornament. Which, thankfully, I am:

This is another favorite:

Because of this:

Yes, I have Christmas china. Because in the South, having a china pattern ranks up with ACC basketball & Vacation Bible School as things that you just do even when you don’t understand it.

& speaking of things we don’t understand, we might as well discuss the picket fences on my living room walls.

They were left there by the previous owners, one picket fence flanking each side of the mantle. Nate & I just didn’t know what to put in their place, so we left them. & they grew on us. Now, at 3am when I’m up rocking Harrison, I daydream about ways to decorate them for Christmas. More lights, more garland. Because there is never enough greenery.