& an undoubtedly controversial post. One that I may likely regret posting, but feel it is fair to address since I was shocked to find I was not the only mother that felt this way.
Last week, a girlfriend of mine & I sat down to chat babies. We were discussing the ins & outs of reflux, colic, incessant crying on both our parts & the babes. I laughed because sometimes, I do tell my child that he’s acting like a jackass, despite what some readers feel is inappropriate. Is it inappropriate? Sure. But if it helps me laugh when I’m home alone, floundering on very little sleep, staring at a child that has been screaming for 2 hours straight, then the word “jackass” that he cannot even comprehend yet is hardly a threat to my child. & in talking to my friend, we both agreed…
We, as mothers, understand Shaken Baby Syndrome.
Wait. Read on before you call Child Services on me, or write some hateful diatribe as a comment.
I understand where Shaken Baby Syndrome comes from. I am not condoning the action, supporting it, or saying that it is remotely okay to harm a child in any way, shape, or form. I did not say that I shake Harrison, or will ever shake Harrison, or that I ever lose my cool to the point of no return. & if I did feel that way, I promise you that he would be in his crib to scream alone while I locked myself in another room to call Nate before I ever harmed a hair on my child’s head. But when he is screaming at such a fevered pitch that I can feel the blood rushing in my ears & I start shaking from heart palpitations…yes, I compute where it comes from. I’m bite my lip, & tears run down my face as I stare at a little human who is red-faced & inconsolable, making me powerless over the own chaos of my life that I created. It’s unnerving. You have those moments where you stare into your child’s face & say, OH MY GOD, WILL YOU JUST STOP CRYING?! & when they don’t (which they won’t), you want to slam your head into the closest brick wall simply to escape. So I get why an uneducated teenage baby daddy with no support system would pick up the child & shake it in frustration. I get why a mother with severe PPD, lacking the logic to pull her back to rational thoughts past the emotional & biological reaction to the crying, would have urges to throw the baby out the window. I GET IT.
& the friend of mine & I agreed, most other parents would get it, too. & it makes you feel dirty & unnatural. So nobody would ever want to admit it.
