I think we figured out what has been going on with Harrison to cause the demon-screaming.

This is borderline humiliating to admit.

No, seriously. It’s that simple. & stupid. Worthy of revoking my parenting license.

See, last Friday at Dr. Hottie’s, Harrison had regained all of his lost weight plus some, putting him at a whopping 8 lbs, 9 oz. We were beaming. Dr. Hottie was proud & said that with him gaining like this, there was no reason to wake him to eat anymore. Which would work lovely with a typical newborn that only sleeps 2-3 hour stretches at most…bring in my child, who would easily sleep 4+ hours if I let him. & let him I did. Compounded with stopping the logging of all meals, we had one hell of a new-parenting fail.

Do you see where I’m going with this yet? Anyone? Bueller?

MY CHILD WAS HUNGRY.

Point & laugh, people. Point & laugh. Trust me, there is NOTHING you could say to me right now that would make me feel any more idiotic or defeated. & I say defeated in the most tongue-in-cheek way possible. Because it’s not like the child can sit up & say, “MOM. WTF. MORE FORMULA, KITCHEN WENCH.” But it still creates a scenario where I want to bash my head against the wall to beat out all incompetency. & even more embarrassing? When I started logging his meals again on a whim, I STILL DIDN’T NOTICE IT THROUGH THE BLURY-EYED EXHAUSTION. It took my mother staring at it for 2 seconds to say, “Blair…I don’t think he’s eating enough. This isn’t adding up.”

Enter a stream of tears & expletives (on my part, not The Momma’s, who is a good Southern woman with no vulgar vocabulary). He was sleeping through feedings, but never making them up since he wouldn’t take more than 2 ounces at each feeding, no matter how hard we tried. & therefore, he was skipping meals. So yesterday, I made it my mission to keep the kid fed on schedule, even if it meant waking him up.

& guess what? NO SCREAMING LAST NIGHT.

How did I let myself get so overwhelmed so quickly to the point that I didn’t notice this?? How did I get so defeated so easily? Was it exhaustion? Letting his cries confound me so badly that I couldn’t think clearly? Too much exposure to voltage via hair dryer? Lack of gin in my life?!

Thankfully, The Momma found me sitting on the floor of my bathroom, bawling my eyes yesterday afternoon while he finally napped. & quickly reassured me that I was doing just fine, that it was all a learning curve. That obviously, Harrison did not suffer any long-term effects & I could simply keep logging his feedings. & then bless the woman, she volunteered to spend the night so Nate & I could get in a solid REM cycle.

Fed baby + rested Momma = new start.