The bad news is, several friends fear I am in denial.
But really, is there a huge difference between the two? I think not.
I really don’t want to be one of those “OH MY GOD, IS THIS LABOR?!?!” psychos that sits on the seat of their panties for three weeks, driving everyone around them BATSHITCRAZY & 10 seconds from homicide if they hear one more mucus plug status update. But last night totally made me arch my eyebrow.
The problem is, “labor signs” can so easily be something else! The massive amount of pooping could either a) be a colon cleanse or b) be the direct result of cooking with too much olive oil on Monday night. The pressure in the vag could be a) him dropping or b) labor. The tightening could be a) false labor or b) real labor. AND SWEET JESUS, how do you time contractions that NEVER END?! When it feels like your belly has been tight & contracting for 30 minutes straight, what the hell do you do? Does a stopwatch even count that high?
So after a few “contractions” last night while I sat on the couch, I decided to change activity per the recommendation of Heidi Murkoff of What To Expect (Heidi & I are BFF at this point). I went outside to plant some pansies in the front bed, only to start feeling like utter & absolute shit. Sweating. Nausea. Cramping. And oh my God, I’m going to puke all over my new fall mums. Thankfully, Nate pulled up at that exact moment & pulled me into the house after I supervised him completing the planting of the pansies (PRIORITIES, people!!). This time, the couch + cold water + Happiest Baby on the Block DVD = end of contractions. Glorious! After 45-contraction-free minutes, I decided to hop in a warm shower & then hit the bed early. & DAMNED if I didn’t start contracting in the shower. le sigh. They only lasted a few seconds, every few minutes or so…& then stopped completely when I got out & laid down in bed.
My God, labor is confusing. Even the false kind.
But I can’t help but think that real labor vs false labor is similar to the difference between Doritos & store brand — you KNOW you’re getting jipped with the fake stuff.
