I remember when I was a teenager & I could not WAIT to be an adult. Have a job, drink alcohol, decorate my own house, start a family. Good thing I conveniently blocked out the part where being an adult requires lawyers & financial planners. Oh, & mortgages, car payments, insurance, & legal guardians. Plus my survival relying heavily on my culinary expertise, instead of my mother’s chicken pastry.

Serious stuff, y’all.

Nate & I have been able to happily skip along 3 years of marriage with one foot in adulthood & another stubbornly set in Neverland, Peter Pan feathers cocked behind our ears. We married young (23! mere babes!!), so we literally came into the marriage with nothing but the clothes on our backs & a second-hand couch. (We did manage to successfully adopt a dog & keep her healthy, so life bodes well for Harrison at this point.) Fast forward three years & we are the proud owners of a mortgage, health insurance, & a termite plan.

A TERMITE PLAN. As in, preparing for the future (or the inevitable, since we live Southbound & those pesky bugs are everywhere). The future: Something we as mere babes never looked towards, but as the time impends for our own child, it rushes up on us screaming “HERE I AM!! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!! I’M HERE, LIKE IT OR NOT!” & I realized…we need life insurance. Hello, morbid thoughts. & if we need life insurance, that means we may die. Which means we need guardians assigned for Harrison. Which means we need a will. & then adulthood snowballs faster than the down spiral of Jon Gosselin’s innocent-man act.

First Step: Life Insurance
Which includes an hour-long phone consultation that includes these gems:

regarding my asthma…
Interviewer: “And what is the cause of this condition?”
Blair: “Ummm…genetics?”
Interviewer: “Okay, I’ll put unknown. & when did you last experience this condition?”
Blair: “Umm…it’s chronic. It doesn’t go away.”
Interviwer: “So what would be a rough date?”
Blair: “August 28, 2009?”

regarding my general healthcare…
Interviewer: “Have you had a routine physical in the past year?”
Blair: “Yes.”
Interviewer: “& what was the reason for this physical?”
Blair: “Umm…it was a routine annual physical.”

::headdesk:: I get it. She’s just doing her job, reading off a pre-ordained list that undoubtedly makes her feel like a gerbil in a cage throughout her workday. So Jocelyn, I pity you & please know that you did an excellent job. I’d probably spend my hours jabbing my eyes out with my ballpoint pen if I had your job.

Life Insurance complete, so onto Step Two: Guardians
For this, we asked my oldest brother & his wife to be Harrison’s guardians, should anything ever occur to Nate & I. Truly, the most un-fun phone conversation I’ve ever had. But one of the most necessary conversations, all to be sure that Harrison is a raised in a home we approve of, with the love & teachings we would have bestowed ourselves. To which my brother replied:

“We’re game! However, if – God forbid – he has to join our ranks, he will have to go by ‘Dirty Harry.’ No Harry Potter or anything stupid like that. ‘Harry Hood’ or ‘Harry the Hippie’ are also in consideration.”

To which I replied, “Please, dear Jesus. Let Nate & I live forever for the sake of our son’s reputation.”

Guardians in place, it is time to make it legal & binding. So onto Phase 3: The Will
To make sure little Dirty Harry gets our life insurance & that the siblings get him…and this one is in a current state of limbo. Any suggestions on online wills? Or should we suck it up & actually see an attorney?

I feel like this is sucking in on me, pressuring me to have it all lined up in 5 weeks should something happen. God forbid. Cross myself, spit spit, all that jazz. oh, adulthood. You do overwhelm me much.