You know what, Mr. Braxton Hicks? I effing hate you. I hate you & your little “false” contractions that wake me up at 6:30am on MY DAY OFF. Eff you & your smug diagnosis of my body practicing for labor. I DON’T CARE. I JUST WANT SLEEP.

Oh, and that wee bit about them not being painful? LIES. Not shocking, considering you had a penis and NEVER FELT ONE IN YOUR LIFE. It does, however, give me gleeful satisfaction that women have probably given you & your little “observation” the finger consistantly since the 1800′s.

So yes. I am awake at 6:30am thanks to a lovely tightening in the belly, while Nate snores blissfully unaware beside me. Oh, to be male sometimes. Get laid, have an orgasm, & spend the next 9 months blinking your eyes innocently & saying, “Oh geez, honey. That sounds rough.” without ever fully COMMITTING TO MY AGONY. Don’t worry, Nate. You can make this moment up in a few hours with biscuits & gravy in bed.

No, that’s not a new kinky sex position. I mean actual biscuits. Smothered in sausage gravy. The breakfast of Southern champions on the day we endeavor to clean out the garage.

Speaking of cleaning, thanks to my wonderful readers, I’m looking into a housekeeper for at least the first few months of my return to work after maternity leave…I think I can handle the housework while I’m at home, but having a housekeeper the first bit back would probably really help the transition. My only hesitation is cost, simply because we’re already unloading another human being onto our tight budget. But I think we can squeeze it temporarily, especially if it assures a piece of my sanity.

Also, I’ve been thinking hard-core about my cleaning routine — in the past, we simply attack the house on Saturday mornings & get it all done in a few hours. But I simply do not have the energy to do that anymore. I’d love to hammer out something that took a little bit every night. But does that really work in the long run? If you have a cleaning/laundry schedule that works well for you, will you please leave it as a comment or shoot me an email? It would be much, much appreciated!

oh, & as another random side-comment, Jennifer hit the nail on the head about keeping Anonymous & his/her douchebag comments — I could disallow anonymous comments, but they’re just funny. (and I do have a few awesome anonymous readers) Why would I rob myself or readers of the guilty pleasure to watch Anonymous struggle mightely to tap out something that is a half-attempt to be witty with a side of epic failure? It’s like chocolate cake with rich hot chocolate sauce & ice cream, hold the calories & guilt. Yummmmmmm….