from a much-needed “girl-cation” with the Momma to the land of Cheese steaks, aka Philadelphia.
& it is a good thing that ankle bones are far over-rated, since I have not seen mine since Thursday evening.
& while there will be no pregnancy quiz or belly picture this week, I must point out that I have LESS THAN 100 DAYS TO FINISH INCUBATING THIS SPAWN.
Please pass a paper bag for hyperventilation purposes. thnx.
Dinosaurs.
I am TERRIFIED of dinosaurs.
Yes, I know they’re extinct. But it still doesn’t stop me from envisioning a T-Rex bursting through our back woods & fence to scoop me up & eat me.
This is further proof that God has a sense of humor, no?
Dear man at the bagel shop,
At first, I was a little suspicious to see a 40-year-old man ordering a Pumpernickel bagel with Garden Veggie cream cheese. Be a man & order something with bacon next time, mmkay?
But then I realized, as you reached over the counter for your bagel & flashed a yellow “Live Strong” bracelet, that you had popped your damn polo collar.
Listen, arsehole. You are 40 years old and about 5 years behind the times. Lance Armstrong’s posse & popped collars only belong in fraternity pictures from 2004.
The side-eye officially happened when you began unabashedly flirting with the bagel chick, despite 10 customers behind you & the shiny gold band on your left finger.
Then, as you sped away in your two-door Lexus coupe that screams midlife crisis, my radar officially let off a Level-5 High Security Warning — you, my good sir, are a grade-A douchebag.
With judgment,
Blair
to pull out all contents of your refrigerator, including the drawers & light protectors, & scrub it down with Kitchen Clorox.
& then start baking muffins.
Right?
::blair feverishly eyes the baskets of office supplies:: You shall be my next victims.
Yep, an awkward self-portrait in the bathroom this week, with the mirror that will never get 100% clean! Lucky!! I’ve decided that I really shouldn’t just throw the camera at Nate & say, “Here, let’s take a picture” when I’m tired & sweaty by the end of the day, since I’m looking progressively more disheveled in my belly pictures each week. We’re hitting 25 weeks & after one emergency appointment to the doctor on Wednesday to make sure I wasn’t going into preterm labor, we’re all good under the hood. Harrison is strong enough to actually MOVE the belly, which freaks Nate out. He hates seeing that happen, which makes me laugh — I admit, it is weird looking. I can’t believe I’m having a kid in roughly 15 weeks. Where the hell has the time gone?
How far along? 25 weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Up 10.5 lbs total thanks to the return of morning sickness. errmmm…who loses weight at 25 weeks? Not cool.
Maternity clothes? yep.
Stretch marks? On my butt, of all places.
Sleep: I adore it.
Best moment this week: Finding the perfect boat prints to go over his crib.
Movement: He is a WILD MAN.
Food cravings: I would cut a bitch for some cheese fries.
Gender: BOY!
Labor Signs: None, thank God. It was touch-n-go on Wednesday, when I went in for severe cramping, back pain, & nausea, but my cervix looks like Fort Knox & the doctor said we’ll just keep an eye on it.
Belly Button in or out? In, but it’s getting smaller.
What I miss: Doing certain things on my own — like pulling bins out of our crawl space, getting something off the top shelf of the cabinets…I’m getting too awkward to fit into small spaces or stand on a chair, so I have to get Nate’s help.
What I am looking forward to: Paying off Nate’s car & so I can get a baby-friendly car.
Weekly Wisdom: Ultra-thin pantyliners are your friends. It has progressed from snail trail to crotch snot.
Milestones: I get to say that I am “6 months pregnant” to those that don’t count pregnancy in weeks. Totally weird. oh, & I’m pretty sure I’ve started having Braxton Hicks at night. Lovely.
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