Epic Paint FAIL.

We begin our story a few weeks ago, when Nate coated the walls with one coat of Kilz primer to cover the stripes.  I taped off the walls after the first coat, & we decided that we needed another coat to be safe.

& there we have it, the second coat!   While Nate coated this, I pulled out the windows & screens for a scub-down with vinegar & bleach.  Because God forbid my son press his nose to a dirty screen, right?  Now it’s time for the color!   After an hour in the Home Depot to pick out the color, convert it to Behr (they were on sale), & pick up all the supplies, we headed back home & picked up the roller & brush.

First coat is on.  HOLY HELL, it looks like Superman.  Not at all what I envisioned; I desire near-navy walls.  Nate assured me it would dry darker, especially with a few coats of paint.  Placated, we let this coat dry.  & while it’s drying, Tuck walks through the paint pan on the floor, tracking blue paint ALL OVER THE CARPET.  Not just in the nursery, but also down the stairs.  Blast it all to hell, mutt!

So while I scrubbed in a futile & desperate fashion at the carpet, Nate added the second coat.  Please notice the beer that is involved.  At this point, I’m noticing how thick the paint is going on & how…shiny…it is.  & I realize that this is not flat paint.  I can’t believe I didn’t notice that when we bought it.  & while I’m staggering at this revelation & trying to decide what course of action to take, Tuck leans her fat ass against the white part:

…& leaves a trail of hair down one wall, which must be scrubbed off & repainted.  I’m 10 seconds from internally combusting at this point.  & putting an add in the paper that a German Shepherd mix is free to a good home (just kidding, promise).  I also realize that with the new white on the bottom, the chair rail & wood trim looks grey against it, which simply won’t do.  So now I have to repaint all the woodwork in the room as an unexpected “bonus.”

We sleep on it last night, & get up this morning to add the third coat of blue.  It looks better, no?  & in the morning light, it even looks closer to navy!  This picture shows exactly the color I hoped for.  This makes me happy, considering the LAST thing I want is some hokey bright-blue color on my son’s walls.  After a few hours to let it dry & one romp in the sack later to celebrate our tenacity, we got in to peel off the painters tape…to see this:

& this is where I officially lost my shit.  As we peeled the tape, the paint on the wall was literally gummy against it.  & pulled with it & pulled off in places.   WHAT THE HELL DID WE DO WRONG?!  So Nate pulled out a razor.  To try & separate some of the paint, of course….not to stab ourselves, which we were tempted to do at this point.  Which doesn’t work.  & I realize that I will have to get a water-color brush to do the tiny touch-ups.

Seriously, it looks TERRIBLE.  I’m not exaggerating.   & as you can see, as it dried even farther & the afternoon light came in, we have hokey hideously bright blue walls.  I think the starkness of the blue against the white makes it stand out even more, but there is not one spot in that room that looks like someone over the age of 3 painted it.  I’m at a loss for words at this point.  I just wanted his room to be PERFECT, & it’s simply not happening at this point.  All I want to do is rewind the past 48 hours & re-do the entire room.  Nate suggested that a) we have lunch since I was probably hungry without realizing it, thus fueling my teetering mental stability & b) put together the crib, which should make me happy.

So we pull out HJ’s crib & start assembling it, leaning it against the dry white part of the walls while we assemble it.  At least…they should have been fully dry after sitting for over 24 hours.  & when I pull away the footboard during the last part of the assembly process, there are FLECKS OF WHITE PAINT ON MY DARLING, LOVELY, VERY EXPENSIVE CRIB.  I scream.

No really…I screamed.  & then quivered on the verge of tears while Nate couldn’t decide whether he would laugh or chug a beer.  Thankfully, the paint peeled right off the crib with no residue or evidence of its crime.  & I screamed again that WHY CAN’T THE EFFING WALLS JUST EFFING DRY ALREADY?!?!  So as we attached the bumper to the crib (yet another attempt to cheer me up), we discussed our problems & our options.

1)  We have latex satin paint, not flat paint.

2)  We may have painted it too quickly, & should have let there be several days between painting coats.

3)  The paint is literally peeling in some places, meaning loads of touch-ups.

4)  The paint isn’t drying.  It’s still tacky to the touch, even the white stuff which was painted 24 hours ago.

5)  I don’t love the color.

1)  Give it a few days to really, really dry & set.

2)  Razor off where it’s peeling & not setting.

3)  Repaint with a flat paint, one shade darker than the original.

So there we stand, with a nursery I currently hate, teetering the delicate balance between loathing it & not wanting to hurt Nate’s feelings because he worked so, so hard & I appreciate his efforts.  I’m trying to relax & roll with the punches, realizing that motherhood will require that of me many, many times….but it’s hard.

If you have any suggestions…any at all…I would love to hear them.  Especially ways to fix the walls & the paint.  I don’t even think I’m wild about the white on the bottom anymore, but I think that will change when the other furniture arrives & we get a colorful rug on the floor & curtains up.