Seriously.  Even at a modest 4 weeks & 4 days pregnant.

With a few exceptions involving swallowing vomit back down & threatening to kick Nate out of bed SHOULD HIS COLD LEFT TOE EVER DARE TO TOUCH MY LEG AGAIN, I’ve been feeling pretty good.  The “morning sickness” (HA!  you know a man with a small penis coined that phrase) rears it’s ugly head in the evenings, usually around 9pm but most recently this evening at 6pm while I bounced on the elliptical with zero pep.   But I have yet to actually blow my cookies in a trash can, & I see that as a positive.  But if I were to vom, it would definitely be green.  Because this babe cannot get enough veggies (by 7pm today, I have officially had 6 servings of vegetables).  True proof that this may not actually be my child?  I turned down a piece of cake for the first time in my existence.   Call Guinness, mmkay?

But don’t tell them about the two unicorn zits on my forehead.  Because that is EMBARRASSING.  How am I supposed to convince my clients that I am mature enough to handle their accounts when I LOOK 16?!?   & honestly, I can’t even get into the zits on my neck.  Even my neck is pregnant.

In other news, we broke the news to the ‘rents last night.  At dinner to celebrate her birthday, I left a card on my mother’s place setting.  The card (a funny one, por supuesto) was signed “Love Nate, Blair, & Harpie Jr.”  She opened it, laughed at the card, & then her face went blank.  She looked up, unbelieving & said, “Really?!”  I grinned & she covered her mouth & started crying through her smile.  It was the BEST reaction…even better than when we broke the news of Harpie.  I had been so nervous that this babe would be anticlimactic, but my fears were completely unfounded & that thrills me.  Harpie Jr. will be just as eagerly anticipated, if not more, than Harpie.  It makes me feel warm & fuzzy inside.

Because sometimes, I still miss Harpie so much that a little chasm in my heart begins to ache.  & even this little babe cannot heal that pain; I fear I will carry it with me forever.  A hole.  Something unfinished.  Unwritten.  & unfair.  I am thrilled with Harpie Jr.  I have so many dreams for him/her — some that began with Harpie, & some that are special & specific to this babe.  We are so blessed & thankful, but we also still think that in this time of first tri nerves, we should be decorating a nursery.  I wonder when that feeling will fade — when Harpie Jr. is here, in our arms?  After 10 years?  Ever?

Regardless, I have already began singing to Harpie Jr, even though I know s/he cannot hear me yet.  I am thankful to be chowing down on leafy greens, hoping that is one more sign that this baby is in it to win it.  I am so excited about HJ that I bought a little monkey blanket today, plus a white winter hat & mitten set that looks like a puppy.  & get ready, because bloat shots & letters to Harpie Jr. begin next week at 5 weeks