This post is going to be 50% funny and 50% disgusting. Or maybe it’s 30% funny and 70% disgusting. I suppose it depends on your ‘tude, but my buddy Lala and I laughed over this for a good 5 minutes this afternoon, so I decided to regale my readers with this tale.
Mmmkay, those of you who wear vision correction of any kind will appreciate this the most. Especially those, who like me, have the vision of a blind rat. And when you’re sick, the last thing you want to do is pop in contacts, especially if you’re heavily drugged & prone to codeine-induced narcolepsy. ::all blind readers nod in agreement::
This afternoon, prior to Nate’s lunch & visits from my girlfriends, I decided to hop in the shower. I place my coke-bottle glasses on the counter, and quickly hop into the shower before my vag has the opportunity to bleed all over the bath mats. I’m scrubbing my hair, humming to myself (Britney Spears’ “womanizer” is mighty catchy, no?), and I hear “plop.” And well…I feel a plop. It is loud & distinctive and I think “OH MY GOD I just lost my uterus. Or a kidney. But God knows my body finally gave in and an organ just fell out of my body.” Of course, I am curious as to which organ my body expelled, so I squint to no avail, then scramble past the shower curtain to grab my glasses off the counter. Despite the shampoo in my hair, I put on my glasses which automatically fog up. Remember, I’m intensely drugged, precariously squatting in the shower and desperately scrubbing at the steam on my glasses. Oh yes, I am sexy & coordinated. I’m lucky I didn’t fall, but it turns out that the “organ” that fled my body was actually another clot. Of course. Thankfully, much smaller & only the size of a quarter, which was uplifting.
My life is lame when I measure success in blood clots.
Absolutely disgusting and oddly enough, I did not want to touch it. So I’m cupping my hands and trying to splash it down to the drain. Success! fwiw, I did grab the Clorox spray after my shower; I don’t subject Nate to bathe in my filth. There you have it. Grossed out yet? lolz.
In other news, I’ve found the correct pain cocktail — 1 codeine pill every 12 hours and 3 ibuprofen every 6 hours. I have them spaced out well to where I took the ibuprofen at 2pm, the pain pill at 6pm, and next dose of ibuprofen at 8am. It is glorious, except the last hour always gets uncomfy. 50 minutes until my next dose, so I’m leaning against a heating pad & eating Mike n’ Ikes. Nate & I are setting alarm clocks tonight so that I don’t miss a dose and end up in the same position tomorrow as I was this morning.
Random thought of the day: I super-duper love the movie “The Day After Tomorrow.” You can laugh; Nate surely does. I refuse to change the channel, so he’s on his second beer as a response.
