Phone Calls.

It is amazing the assenine things people say to us after we break the news that Harpie is gone. People simply don’t…think, for lack of a better word. Hence the new blog tag “Stupid People,” which I hope to never have to use again. If they’d just breathe & think of what they want to say before they pick up the phone, conversations like these wouldn’t have to happen.

My worst one came with a neighbor, who I have known for a long time. Just a PSA for anyone out there that currently has children — I don’t care if your kids are screaming at the top of your lungs, if you haven’t slept in 2 days, and if someone just pooped all over your dinner. Please DO NOT tell someone that just lost their child that you would kill yourself if you got pregnant again. Really. It’s not something I want to hear 48 hours after losing my baby.

Nate’s worst moment, however, takes the cake when his coworker dropped the infamous bomb, “It was just part of God’s plan.” Unfortunately, he didn’t stop there and continued, “I mean, dude…y’all could break up next week. So you wouldn’t want a baby then, right?” I am shocked that I didn’t have to bail Nate out last night for battery & assault. I’m his wife, not his baby mama — we won’t be “breaking up” any time soon, kthxbai. And do not assume that we should be thankful for ANY reason over the loss of our child.

The best phone call (& that is meant with sincerity)? Talking to a dear friend of mine. Amazing that her water broke the moment they wheeled me into my D&E. We cried & prayed over the phone last night; she held 24-hour old baby girl in her arms & I wrapped my arm around my empty uterus. I cried & told her, “If it was any other weekend, I would be with you right now celebrating.” She cried & said, “Sweetie, if it was any other weekend I’d be on your doorstep mourning with you.” What an odd sensation to celebrate & mourn 2 separate babies at the same time. Nate & I are driving up to visit her & her new baby this weekend — I know it will be bittersweet to hold a baby, but I also know that she above all people deserves this little miracle.

I sobbed as I spoke to her on the phone, but Nate sat beside me the entire time. It’s been one of the few times that it’s truly hit me how much my life is missing my baby. I had a brief feeling last night that I couldn’t do anything right — that maybe, somehow, Harpie is my fault. Not MY fault, but my cervix’s fault. Nate quickly reminded me that it is absolutely not a reflection of me. & I know it with all my heart, but I did have a moment where I doubted myself.

I haven’t had that moment today, though. So don’t worry about me I’m home from work again, more for the physical aspect. I am hoping the physical pain will stop soon & hope to be in for a half-day of work tomorrow. Nate is coming home for lunch & bringing me a milkshake and my sweet friend Meredith will be stopping by in a few hours. I know I’ve said it before, but I am so blessed with an loving husband and the best, most supportive friends a girl could ask for.