Dear Harpie,
We’re in our sixth week of life together and I find it entirely appropriate that my little sweet pea is the size of a sweet pea. I have been exhausted this week, growing you some facial features — hopefully Daddy’s nose & my ears (don’t tell Daddy, but my ears are definitely cuter). To be honest, Harpie…all this body-part growing is wearing Momma out and I am very worried that you’re not getting enough oxygen since I’m not. It’s taking up a lot of my energy to be strong for you & to make decisions that will effect you — I already feel like a parent. We’re working hard to get this fixed, and you & I have the best doctors out there.
Harpie, to be honest, I was a little at a loss as to what to write to you this week & that is why this has taken so long. I think it’s because I have been so tired, & have had so many other things on my plate that I haven’t had much time to process this week. But an idea sparked the other day, as your Daddy was reading me an email. At lunch with your Gram, the idea knocked again. And I realized what I needed to say to you:
You, my sweet pea little babe, are SO WANTED.
Your Daddy and I want you so badly, and thank God everyday for the gift that is you. We want you in our lives and can only imagine the sweetness you will bring. We want you to be beautiful (which you will be), and we want you to be smart & strong. We want you regardless of gender, or any complications during the pregnancy. We want you so badly that sometimes, thinking of the next 8 months causes us to literally ache.
Your grandparents want you, all in their own way. Your Grandpa has wanted you since the day Daddy & I were married. He wants to teach you to play golf & we all imagine the days when you, Daddy, & Grandpa will tee off from sun-up to sun-down. Your Grandma wants you…in her own special way. We won’t get into that now, because it only makes Momma throw things. (I’m sure you’ll understand in a few years.) Your Gram & Granddaddy want you so badly that they call every day, just to check on their “Grandcell.” I wanted you to be a light in their currently harsh world, and YOU ARE. You are their hope and their joy right now, and they grasp to you so tightly already. You are the miracle they want.
Harpie, I hope that everyday of your life, you feel wanted because being wanted reaches far beyond being loved. You can love someone without liking or needing them. But being WANTED, truly wanted, is a feeling I hope you always know. There is never anything you can do, or say, or be that will make me want you any less than I do in this moment.
I love you, Harpie. And I want you, forever.
Love,
Momma
