My first REAL BPF after “coming out of the closet.” Enjoy.

Sucking it in like a Hoover giving a BJ:

Letting it all hang out like a dirty whore. Good Lord. This bloat is INSANITY, is it not? This is in the morning, after one packet of Quaker Oatmeal and half a chocolate chip cookie. I’ve always had a wee little pooch that no number of crunches could tackle, but as you can tell, I’m a pretty thin person all-around and THIS BLOAT IS TAKING OVER MY BODY.

I think the drama comes from knowing it’s not actual baby…when it’s real baby, I will love it. Promise.