I need your advice on a very serious, important matter of dignity & pride. This is not easy for me to admit.

But my pants are too tight due to bloat, leaving me 2 options — unzip or stay zipped.

Solution A: Unzipped
The zipper has a free spirit and does NOT STAY UP on it’s own accord. While seated at my desk, this is not a problem; I can hide my indescretion under the protection of my desk. But while walking the halls and giving tours, unzipped means that all 726 residents get a peek at my snowflake undies (don’t judge me, I love Christmas).

Solution B: Zipped
The pants ride up, giving me unmistakable Camel Toe. That’s all I have to say about that.

So what will it be? Snowflakes or Camels?